haha wats a frand

This is going to sound extremely selfish and possibly hypocritical but idgaf

I'm kind of annoyed at how much I care about other people and how little people give a shit about me.
It's like I invest so much of my time making sure I don't hurt other people's feelings or trying to help people with their problems and such and it's never reciprocated.

I feel like when I meet people I remember their name and I try to say hello or smile at them when I see them and talk to them when I get the chance and then in the end they don't even recognize my face!

Or I think so much about what to say to people or how to act around people or what people are going to think about me and then they don't even notice me.

I constantly worry that I've made someone mad or made someone feel bad and I try so hard to fix it and they probably don't even think about me.

Here I am, emotionally invested in making sure I am on good terms with someone and they probably don't even care. It affects my mood, my entire day, my choices, everything and it's tiring and annoying and in the fucking end I STILL don't have anyone who gives a shit about me.

Nobody /wants/ to fucking be my friend, despite how hard I try to be friendly and funny...
Nobody cares to talk to me after meeting me they just odn't want to be my friend!

People only talk to me when they need me or have no one else to talk to and it's frustrating and annoying and I'm tired of it.

I want to just be a bitch and get over it but that would probably make people evne less likely to want ot be my friend.

How do people so easily meet people once and then suddenly become friends and do shit together?
Here I am meeting people over and over again and they don't even FUCKING REAMEMBER ME?!?!?!?

And the people that do are probably annoyed by me like why do I have to fUCkign see that girl everywhere or oh no herrrr again or shit like that and i"m just like GUbfhgbjgk;lfsjklgjKLBJDFK:LGJGLK:FGS  i"m trying so harD BUT I CAN TELL YOU DONT LIKE ME ANYWAY AND IM MNAD

I think I am just that easy
I'm so desperate to be peoples' friends that they can use me or do whatever the shit they want and I'll still try to be their friend
like
they can be mean and not care and I'll still want to be their friend
so basically its like
I try really hard for people who don't have to try at all

and that annoys me

but if i dont try at all
then i will still have 0 friends

so it just
ugh
idk
im annoyed



thankfully i have met a couple really awesome people who have wanted to hang with me and stuff
i hope i dont screw that up too T T