when i go home..

I'm going home Tuesday and I just don't know how things are going to be...

I feel like part of my world has already fallen apart and in no time the rest of it is going to follow and I don't know how I'm going to handle all that.

Maybe it's good timing because I'll be leaving in August to start a new life in a new big city with new...everything really but until then I fear my life is going to be just a big laughable joke...

Hell, I don't even know who I am friends with anymore..

I have an idea of some people who I think genuinely appreciate me and my existence but I still doubt even them..

I just don't kn ow anything anymore.
I don't know what 'home' is anymore.
I am nothing and no one, even to myself.
I don't know myself, I don't know how to be myself, I don't even know what I love anymore.

And right now I want to hug someone, and to cry, but I can't, because I don't know how to even let myself do that.