Sundays

I don't know what it is about Sundays but they make me sad...

Nothing ever happens on Sundays except for things that make me feel bad/sad...

It's almost like I can't even try to enjoy a Sunday because I just know it's going to suck.

I can have the most fun Saturday ever and enjoy the entire rest of the week and weekend and Sundays will still be terrible for me.

Even if I don't have homework for osme reason I just don't hve anything to do or I don't want to do anything and I kind of sit around and don't do anything and then the day is over and I'm stressed about things and I really don't like Sundays.

I don't expect people to understand me so i don't want to complain to people or ask them to do things with me...

& then it's like...

Usually I'm so tolerant of people's bitching or complaining or bragging but today I don't want to hear it!

haha wats a frand

This is going to sound extremely selfish and possibly hypocritical but idgaf

I'm kind of annoyed at how much I care about other people and how little people give a shit about me.
It's like I invest so much of my time making sure I don't hurt other people's feelings or trying to help people with their problems and such and it's never reciprocated.

I feel like when I meet people I remember their name and I try to say hello or smile at them when I see them and talk to them when I get the chance and then in the end they don't even recognize my face!

Or I think so much about what to say to people or how to act around people or what people are going to think about me and then they don't even notice me.

I constantly worry that I've made someone mad or made someone feel bad and I try so hard to fix it and they probably don't even think about me.

Here I am, emotionally invested in making sure I am on good terms with someone and they probably don't even care. It affects my mood, my entire day, my choices, everything and it's tiring and annoying and in the fucking end I STILL don't have anyone who gives a shit about me.

Nobody /wants/ to fucking be my friend, despite how hard I try to be friendly and funny...
Nobody cares to talk to me after meeting me they just odn't want to be my friend!

People only talk to me when they need me or have no one else to talk to and it's frustrating and annoying and I'm tired of it.

I want to just be a bitch and get over it but that would probably make people evne less likely to want ot be my friend.

How do people so easily meet people once and then suddenly become friends and do shit together?
Here I am meeting people over and over again and they don't even FUCKING REAMEMBER ME?!?!?!?

And the people that do are probably annoyed by me like why do I have to fUCkign see that girl everywhere or oh no herrrr again or shit like that and i"m just like GUbfhgbjgk;lfsjklgjKLBJDFK:LGJGLK:FGS  i"m trying so harD BUT I CAN TELL YOU DONT LIKE ME ANYWAY AND IM MNAD

I think I am just that easy
I'm so desperate to be peoples' friends that they can use me or do whatever the shit they want and I'll still try to be their friend
like
they can be mean and not care and I'll still want to be their friend
so basically its like
I try really hard for people who don't have to try at all

and that annoys me

but if i dont try at all
then i will still have 0 friends

so it just
ugh
idk
im annoyed



thankfully i have met a couple really awesome people who have wanted to hang with me and stuff
i hope i dont screw that up too T T

Relationshit?

It's kind of looked down on by everyone around me to like, live with a guy before getting married and whatever and like, honestly for the longest time I've agreed but to be honest, I feel like I would rather live with a guy before getting married...
I feel like marriage is between families but relationships are supposed to be between two people...
Anyway idk why I had this thought LOL I'm not even looking for a relationship.
I mean I think I'm just having that longing feeling again where you want a boy~ but I don't think I would be able to emotionally handle a relationship now anyway so it's all good~ it's ok if i dont have anyone.
But I'm just saying if I were to have someone I would want to date them or live with them for a really long time before deciding to get married.

wondering

I know I didn't do a song rec this week but idk
like, idk why i do them
ya know

recently my posts have been getting more views than usual??? do people follow this blog???????
idk how to use this site very well i just kind of like to talk but yeah if you follow this or read it like..hello? sorry for being an awkward shit :)

Contradiction

You know those days where everything seems to contradict itself like the weather is cool but when you wear a sweater you're hot or you dress really nice feeling confident and then when you're out on the streets you suddenly feel incredibly aware of yourself and insecure or where you feel like you have so much to do yet you're bored or you're not hungry but you jsut wanna eat everything or you really just don't give a fuck but you're worrying about everything and it's just all at once in your little head and you kind of don't really know what to do well I am having one of those days

Wow

I am beyond lonely lately.
I'm really feeling the effects of my awkward personality thing I got going on...
making friends is hard as fuck and no one seems to like me
sooooooo time to just not give a shitt!!