Dreams

Lately, my dreams have been extremely vivid and require extreme psychological investment and honestly I feel like they are taking a huge emotional toll on me. I wake up either crying or gasping or even it's to the point where I feel /bad/ for waking up like I feel like I've wronged the people in my dream by ending it if that makes any sense.

The other week I had a really terrible dream and while I don't really remember it now, the entire day I felt like I wasn't there...like everything felt so foreign and weird and it was like I wasn't even alive or moving or doing things at all it was the strangest thing.

I know I have strange sleep habits and have been known to talk in my sleep but it's getting kind of scary for me because sometimes I can't remember if things happened in a dream or in real life and I hate it soo much like I know that is kind of normal and happens to a lot of people but damn! I dream almost every night and they are always vivid and long and involve life changing decisions and I wake up feeling emotionally drained and I haven't even started the day.

I don't know if it is my lack of excitement in my life lately or what but something is causing me to have some pretty scary fucking dreams and it's freaking me out.


On another note, as for like "life dreams" and goals and shit, I'm kind of not exactly sure what mine are like...
Everyone has dreams that they know are unattainable and no matter how much you say "anything is possible" there are some things that just aren't going to happen with the resources you have but like
What is more important?
Like I have several 'dream jobs' or things I would love to do before I get too old to do them..like there are plenty of experiences I want to have before I graduate college and plenty of things I want to do but like, I know for a fact I can't do them so should I chase after the impossible or should I like, just stick with what I know I can do?

Honestly I hate studying and I really dislike school and if I were to have it my way I would drop out and get a job and save money to travel and shit but like that's just ridiculous.
And like /duh/ everyone dreams of going to Korea and studying abroad and shit but like how reasonable is it for me to assume that that is possible for me??? It probably won't happen....

Like idk I just feel like I'm not really going anywhere in life or doing anything that I really truly want to but at the same time I should be thankful just for the fact that I'm in a really good school and that I'm passing and shit but it's like that kind of stuff I honestly have lost interest in and I just want /other/ things for myself but that is selfish you know? IDK

I'm confused about a lot of things and it annoys me that I don't know who I am or what I want.

ohhh wellllll.