October Faves

Sorry for lack of posts; lately I have had a lot on my mind but I haven't been able to express it in words.

Update: 5 days until VIXX Live in Dallas! I cannot wait. I am really hoping that things go smoothly although I am slightly worried since this is my first time traveling / spending the night in a different city without my family and it's going to be weird! Also, I am sitting alone so I do hope I sit by nice people. I'm also kind of short so I hope I can still see the stage and such, especially since my seats aren't way up close. Oh man, I hope I can get some good footage and photos. I want to wear something cute but can't find any cheap cute clothing around town so we'll see how that goes.

Ok sorry. Anyways I actually have A LOT OF MANY favorites so here goes!

Music

• Lee Seung Chul: My Love (it takes a lot for a video to make me cry but this one did, currently my ringtone)
• Bestie: Love Options (hilarious, perfect)
• Jaejoong: Just Another Girl (new song but sooooo good and soo Jaejoong)
• Boyfriend: Excuse Me (and all their other songs as usual)
• Untouchable: Only U (so cute, so good, can't wait for Untouchable comeback!)
• Nell's album "Let it Rain" (perfect studying music yes)
• LeeSSang: Girl Who Can't Break Up, Boy Who Can't Leave (it was in my head one day and then I listened to it and didn't stop for like a week omg)
• Nell: Cliff Parade
• Imogen Heap: Hide and Seek (rediscovered this song couple weeks ago and love it even more now)
• Beenzino: Boogie On and On (I basically listen to this when I walk to class every day)
• Young Money: Bedrock (don't judge me.)
• Dear Cloud: U ( still on my favs. amazing!!!!)

TV / Dramas / Movies

• Running Man: I've always loved Running Man but recently found it to be a good pastime for when I am stressed or need a laugh. Kwang Soo especially has brightened my mood a lot this month and I even dreamed about him a couple times LOL. Honestly all of the regular cast is hilarious and I love them and they really make me happy.
• Two Weeks: Someone I know recommended this one...I was going to start Heirs but this one is so much better oh my goodness. I think it's a sort of City Hunter like drama except better! It's perfect. I love the drama, the storyline, the actors, everything! The characters are perfection and I love the way that it isn't your traditional love story drama but instead about the relationship between father and daughter and how it drives the entire story!
• Chilling Romance: Me and a friend watched this movie together the other day and loved it! Lee Min Ki is one talented actor and the drama is adorable! I love the way he expresses his feelings and the inflections in his voice when he does...that sounds weird to say but oh my god he's just amazing. Good good movie, if sort of weird at times hehe.
• Saw series: Me and my roomie watched 5 (?) Saw movies this month and have been pondering about their meaning / message and whatnot and they're just really good movies that make you question your values and morals and things. Good good. Good stuff yes good.

Fashion
~~~Firstly: recently I have bought many items online and not many items in person so most of these are things that I like that are kpop related lmfao
~~~Secondly: I definitely don't have sense of style but that doesn't mean I can't like things so that's why I'm sharing~

• LeeSSang hat: like I said, I've been watching a lot of Running Man and Gary wears LeeSSang hats all the time (obviously) and I've also really been wanting a snapback (originally I was going to buy a "geek" one or "comme des fuckdown") and I bought this on a whim and love it! It's a little big for my head but you know who gives a shit haha.
• Chanyeol Wolf shirt: I'm definitely not an Exo stan but seriously I have been loving that sort of black and white fashion like these shirts and I bought Chanyeol's because he's adorable and I love him but anyway I would literally wear this every day if I could because it's comfortable and goes with my style!
• jacket (above): My mother bought me this when I went home for the weekend and it's perfect!
• sweatshirts: Unfortunately I do not own any of these buuuut I saw THIS at Urban the other day and fell in love with the style (the sleeves are a different material and it's just wonderful omg)....not that I would ever be able to pull it off or afford it....nonetheless I really dig the large black and white sweatshirt type for some reason. I really love wearing the color black especially in sweatshirts so I went ahead and pre-ordered THIS ONE in a crewneck which I will pick up in Dallas on Friday. It's not as great as some like this, this, or this (i want this one sooo bad), which I would love to own but it's okay because I'm supporting VIXX and probably wouldn't pull the others off anyway.

Bloggers

• clothesencounters: Jenn is adorable and has great fashion sense and is really gaining popularity lately. Best of luck to her.
• feralcreature: Wow, talk about fashion inspiration! She's perfect, literally! I am insanely jealous of her build and make up / fashion talent.

Food

• Pineapple fried rice: I'm not huge on Thai food but me and the roomie tried some Thai the other day and this dish was amazing!
• bananas: always a staple in my diet!
• Gold Emblem: Cheese Snack Crackers: almost better than Cheez-it's honestly! I really like cheesy foods, like a lot, so when I found these cheap I had to try them and they're amazing!
• Gold Emblem honey roasted almonds: Mmmm, almonds...
• peanut butter jelly sandwiches: I find that if I don't eat lunch I get headaches until dinner and end up eating too much. A PBJ with some milk and a banana is the perfect lunch to keep me full and happy until dinner time.

Sundays

I don't know what it is about Sundays but they make me sad...

Nothing ever happens on Sundays except for things that make me feel bad/sad...

It's almost like I can't even try to enjoy a Sunday because I just know it's going to suck.

I can have the most fun Saturday ever and enjoy the entire rest of the week and weekend and Sundays will still be terrible for me.

Even if I don't have homework for osme reason I just don't hve anything to do or I don't want to do anything and I kind of sit around and don't do anything and then the day is over and I'm stressed about things and I really don't like Sundays.

I don't expect people to understand me so i don't want to complain to people or ask them to do things with me...

& then it's like...

Usually I'm so tolerant of people's bitching or complaining or bragging but today I don't want to hear it!

haha wats a frand

This is going to sound extremely selfish and possibly hypocritical but idgaf

I'm kind of annoyed at how much I care about other people and how little people give a shit about me.
It's like I invest so much of my time making sure I don't hurt other people's feelings or trying to help people with their problems and such and it's never reciprocated.

I feel like when I meet people I remember their name and I try to say hello or smile at them when I see them and talk to them when I get the chance and then in the end they don't even recognize my face!

Or I think so much about what to say to people or how to act around people or what people are going to think about me and then they don't even notice me.

I constantly worry that I've made someone mad or made someone feel bad and I try so hard to fix it and they probably don't even think about me.

Here I am, emotionally invested in making sure I am on good terms with someone and they probably don't even care. It affects my mood, my entire day, my choices, everything and it's tiring and annoying and in the fucking end I STILL don't have anyone who gives a shit about me.

Nobody /wants/ to fucking be my friend, despite how hard I try to be friendly and funny...
Nobody cares to talk to me after meeting me they just odn't want to be my friend!

People only talk to me when they need me or have no one else to talk to and it's frustrating and annoying and I'm tired of it.

I want to just be a bitch and get over it but that would probably make people evne less likely to want ot be my friend.

How do people so easily meet people once and then suddenly become friends and do shit together?
Here I am meeting people over and over again and they don't even FUCKING REAMEMBER ME?!?!?!?

And the people that do are probably annoyed by me like why do I have to fUCkign see that girl everywhere or oh no herrrr again or shit like that and i"m just like GUbfhgbjgk;lfsjklgjKLBJDFK:LGJGLK:FGS  i"m trying so harD BUT I CAN TELL YOU DONT LIKE ME ANYWAY AND IM MNAD

I think I am just that easy
I'm so desperate to be peoples' friends that they can use me or do whatever the shit they want and I'll still try to be their friend
like
they can be mean and not care and I'll still want to be their friend
so basically its like
I try really hard for people who don't have to try at all

and that annoys me

but if i dont try at all
then i will still have 0 friends

so it just
ugh
idk
im annoyed



thankfully i have met a couple really awesome people who have wanted to hang with me and stuff
i hope i dont screw that up too T T

Relationshit?

It's kind of looked down on by everyone around me to like, live with a guy before getting married and whatever and like, honestly for the longest time I've agreed but to be honest, I feel like I would rather live with a guy before getting married...
I feel like marriage is between families but relationships are supposed to be between two people...
Anyway idk why I had this thought LOL I'm not even looking for a relationship.
I mean I think I'm just having that longing feeling again where you want a boy~ but I don't think I would be able to emotionally handle a relationship now anyway so it's all good~ it's ok if i dont have anyone.
But I'm just saying if I were to have someone I would want to date them or live with them for a really long time before deciding to get married.

wondering

I know I didn't do a song rec this week but idk
like, idk why i do them
ya know

recently my posts have been getting more views than usual??? do people follow this blog???????
idk how to use this site very well i just kind of like to talk but yeah if you follow this or read it like..hello? sorry for being an awkward shit :)

Contradiction

You know those days where everything seems to contradict itself like the weather is cool but when you wear a sweater you're hot or you dress really nice feeling confident and then when you're out on the streets you suddenly feel incredibly aware of yourself and insecure or where you feel like you have so much to do yet you're bored or you're not hungry but you jsut wanna eat everything or you really just don't give a fuck but you're worrying about everything and it's just all at once in your little head and you kind of don't really know what to do well I am having one of those days

Wow

I am beyond lonely lately.
I'm really feeling the effects of my awkward personality thing I got going on...
making friends is hard as fuck and no one seems to like me
sooooooo time to just not give a shitt!!