Mornings

I am a firm believer in non-stressful mornings, and taking a small portion of the beginning of your day to eat and take your time getting ready before starting a busy day; I value my mornings so much that I would rather get up half an hour earlier than needed to have this down time to drink coffee and have a decent breakfast and not be rushing out the door than sleep that extra bit. It makes my day easier to handle and more enjoyable and keeps me awake and happy.

I definitely agree with the statement that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but only because taking the time to feed yourself and make sure you are prepared for the day is incredibly important to me. The days I wake up late I feel guilty and fatigued and usually unhappy for the rest of the day.

It didn't used to be like this but now I see the importance of this "me" time of mine to my life.

Anyway, I am going to vent here because I am selfish and want pity but no one around me will give me that if I vent to them so yeah, I'm a baby and would like, for just once, for someone to sympathize with me but whatever I have a blog so I can just complain on here for a bit and get it all out, hopefully so that I don't feel like shit the rest of the day.

This morning I woke up late and wasn't able to shower, which is fine for me if I have time to do other things but I literally did not have this time at all and I just kind of rushed to get ready and didn't eat enough and the worst part is that I didn't have coffee at all. This sounds so petty but my entire day is messed up if I don't have morning coffee, because I get headaches and I stay extremely tired all day and it's just not fun.

Anyway so I went to class but I didn't check the weather because I was in a hurry so I was soooo cold outside and had no idea I would've needed a jacket and I should've just brought one but how the hell was I supposed to know..the other day it was sooo warm so I didn't expect it to take a full 180 turn and be cold again...Anyway I kinda ran to class and literally could not stay awake in my first two classes. On top of that, I guess because I was already kind of feeling awkward being the only one in the streets without warmth it felt like people were staring at me which probably wasn't true but it seemed like it.

So yeah, then I went to get something to eat because I knew I needed coffee and a snack to get through the next class so I went to a bagel place and of course there were no seats inside so I had to sit outside and was again, cold as hell...and the coffee wasn't that good ugh but I felt better and went back inside to go to class and there were seats...I was like wtf right when I'm leaving people get up OK.

ANYway, the thing that bothers me is that the reason I was so tired this morning to sleep in is that I didn't go to sleep until like 3 last night and once I fell asleep I didn't stay asleep like I just didn't sleep well and it might have been because I woke up late YESTERDAY on account of I stayed up late the night before on my phone / playing games with the roomie. So I'm like...fuck...all of this because I was irresponsible?

I really think that lifestyle is a daily process, like you can't mess up or it screws more than you want up. I try really hard to be disciplined in this but sometimes I just can't help it or like, my roommate goes to sleep at like 4 am on the daily so I feel bad if she wants to do something but I'm being lame and going to sleep you know? But like at the same time I don't wanna be tired as shit all the time...

And like, sometimes it isn't on account of my being irresponsible..like the other day my roommate was playing music really loud? so I couldn't sleep, or kept waking up because of it and I feel bad like she should be able to do what she wants but I had to sleep so idk like am i right to be angry about that? or not..i have no clue tbh.

But yeah so I'm in a terrible mood right now and really don't want to go to my MIS class because that means I have to like...talk to people and be all social and stuff and ugh I'm not in the mood to do anything but sleep and watch shows and stuff but I have homework and a test Friday and I really want to be a good student this semester but I feel like no on is on my side; I don't have friends in my classes yet, still, and I don't know people in my major who I can study with so I'm literally alone with my motivation to study and some days, like today, I don't feel like I can inspire myself enough to study.

ANyway i will shut up now thank u for listening blog

I'm annoying lol

BYE

Finals

To be honest today I don't even feel like a human being...
I haven't brushed my hair all day, and instead threw it into a very messy bun that would have fallen out a couple times were it not for the saving grace of a couple bobby pins I found laying around, I've been eating gold fish and drinking Starbucks Double Shot energy drinks and Arizona tea, I'm not wearing any makeup and have begin to break out, and sure I showered but changed right back into my pajamas and have been sitting at my desk studying for the entire day.
Yet, I don't feel like I have gotten anything done...like, I don't feel any more prepared than I did twelve hours ago, which is the most sad part.

Alright, study break over. Peace.

Party on the Plaza

This morning I was just casually walking to class when suddenly, on one of the main streets on campus, I notice hundreds of tents and booths and a huge swarm of people literally everywhere. Turns out today is that day where organizations give you free stuff to try and get you to join or whatever.

So I went to class and then went around to some of these booths and whatnot looking for something interesting to join and I came across a Korean club booth and at first I was wondering if this was a "Koreans only" kind of thing but I asked anyway and they seemed kind of happy that I asked and were like, "Of course not! You can join! Come to our meeting you get free Korean food!" and whatnot so I signed my name or whatever but turns out this meeting is during my online class so I'm going to have to let the class run while I'm at the meeting or something idk.

Then I was given free "Honest ade super fruit punch" juice/tea and it was amazzzinggg. Then I won a free large tshirt, a frisbee and a really nice waterbottle so I'm very pleased that I decided to look around even though it was craziness and like a million degrees outside!

I sweat so much I thought I was going to look kind of terrible for my next class but I just felt gross that was all.

Then in my next class I found a girl who I've sat by three times now so I think maybe I can try to be her friend! I'm shy and awkward about these things so I'm hoping she doesn't see this side of me yet haha.

Now I'm just kind of chilling in my dorm; I painted my nails which I haven't done in forever so it was nice I guess. And now I'm going to /maybe/ study but the thing about today is that I'm supposed to be excited and spazzing about BTOB's comeback stage but I haven't reached that point yet, like I don't know if I'm ready for them to come back because it requires a lot on my part and..idk.

Oh well anyway hopefully the rest of the day will be exciting!

Orientation, Day 1

If there is one thing that I have learned today, it is that making friends is not so easy.
I feel awkward talking to people I don't know and asking them generic questions about themselves. I feel like you can't become friends that way. There has to be some other sort of uniting factor or shared interest so you can have deeper conversations.
Honestly, I'm not liking this whole concept very much, because I am being forced to make friends with a roommate who I do not really care for, and a couple of people stuck in a group with me. It's like forced friendship. Not gonna happen for me.
Then again I'm probably just being bitter and cynical again like usual and need to suck it up and go meet people.

Doesn't help that I had less than an hour of sleep last night and only just now ate for the first time today. It's 5pm, btw.

Hungry and sleepy me is not a very happy me.

June 9th.

Today, I graduate.

It's unbelievable, but I cannot wait. I'm tired of my bad reputation and getting away from these self righteous high school kids is going to be the best feeling ever.

I sound unsentimental but I'm really looking forward to starting new.

Hanna