Eating Habits

don't read if you're judgmental thx



Lately I don't like eating.
I feel like I'm forcing myself to eat something when I do, even though I'm hungry as hell and exhausted because of it.
I can't bring myself to eat and when I do it's so hard.

I don't know if it's anxiety, or if it's just me resenting myself for gaining weight in the past few months but regardless, I just don't want to eat. Anything.

Last Friday and Saturday and I think Sunday as well I didn't eat anything until 9:00 pm when I snacked on some crackers and went to sleep.

Monday and Tuesday it was 4pm when I ate and now today it is almost 2 and I haven't eaten. I don't think I will until dinner which is planned to be 7.

I don't know why I'm writing all this down; maybe this way I'll see the absurdity of my actions and change it, I don't know. Looking at it like that it makes me seem like I'm trying to be anorexic which I'm not, I just don't want to eat... But honestly, when I think about how little I've eaten in the past week I feel proud and accomplished, which isn't how it's supposed to be...

ugh, hypocriteeee hannaaa

anywaY maybe that's why i'm not feeling well and maybe I'll go eat something now or something or maybe I won't.

Feeling hungry makes me feel like I'm doing something right.