Love

To me, love is a choice.
Sure, you don't choose who you have feelings for but you choose how you react to them. If you react to them by shutting them away, trying your best to forget about them, then you aren't choosing love. It's simple. Feelings, crushes, etc are natural, but love is not a feeling. Love isn't something you hide away and disguise with friendship, feelings are what you hide away and disguise with friendship. Love isn't something that just goes away or changes unless you let it. You can't love someone without your consent, without trying to love them and understand them. It takes emotional and mental absorption and engagement. This is why I despise hearing the words "I love you." If you love me, show me. Don't tell me. Words mean nothing when you don't know what it means to love. When you tell me you love me, I should already know. You don't need to confess your love for it to be real, and you shouldn't have to feel like saying "I love you" is a huge step in a relationship. Love is a huge step in a relationship, but not the words "I love you."

Right now, in my life, I am choosing not to love. But that doesn't mean I don't have feelings. I do. My heart flutters and I get nervous and there is a person who I feel like I could love if I let myself. But I'm just pushing past this and prioritizing other things. That doesn't mean I can't love, or am incapable of loving, but just that right now, I don't need love in my life. There are more important things to me. Maybe later in my lifetime I'll be looking for a romantic relationship, and will choose love then. But for right now, I'm not emotionally ready to truly love someone. So I choose not to.