I absolutely hate it when people tell me I don't need to lose weight.
Do you honestly think I want to lose weight because I care what you think of my body? Hell no, it's because I want to feel comfortable with my own body. I honestly find it completely rude when other people think they can judge your decisions on what to eat, how much to eat, what diet you're on, how often you work out, how you workout, etc because all of those things involve personal decisions and making yourself feel good and it has nothing to do with other people. Don't judge me because I'm uncomfortable with my body, you have no right. I don't give a shit if every person in the whole goddamn world thinks I'm attractive, if I want to lose weight I'm going to do it.
There's nothing wrong with self-improvement and setting goals and such when related to food and exercise gives you something to feel accomplished about. Lately, I have been missing this sense of accomplishment that I used to have through other things. So why the hell can't I want to work out? It isn't because I'm conforming to society's judgment of beautiful, nor is it because I want to impress other people. I want to get fit and see progress and complete daily goals and weekly goals and monthly goals and feel proud of myself for them. I want to show myself that I can do it, so I can be confident in myself and comfortable with my body, regardless of what it looks like. Even if I look the same to other people, the fact that I put in effort and time into taking care of myself makes me look better to ME.
So fuck all those people who think they're doing you a favor by telling you that you're pretty anyway and don't need to work out. They make me feel guilty for wanting to, and that's pretty fucking messed up. I shouldn't have to feel judged for my decision to work out or not. No one has that right except me.
Showing posts with label self image. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self image. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Monday, September 2, 2013
Things I've realized about myself
This morning I realized I really didn't have anything to do today besides study and do homework, so I thought I would go find a nice place to sit and read on campus to do this. However, campus was a lot quieter than usual and it made me somewhat uncomfortable. Nonetheless I found a spot and tried to study and didn't really get a lot done because I was distracted by all the little things going on around me. I guess because things were for the most part kind of quiet, any movement or noise called my attention.
Anyway there was this huge tree that had been kind of dug up (?). Basically they cut a hole around it so you could see deeper into the tree than just the part coming up from the ground. I'm not sure why or how they did this or even who did this but it was kind of interesting to me because I didn't know that tree trunks extended so far deeper into the earth; I kind of assumed their roots were right below the surface or something but this tree's trunk was a lot longer and I wondered how far exactly it went into the earth before it became roots. Lately I've been assuming everything is metaphorical so I was thinking about it and it's kind of funny how sometimes things are a lot 'deeper' than we make them; problems are a lot worse than we think, there's a lot more to some people than we assume, things are not always as they seem I guess.
Anyway so this got me thinking about myself and what kind of a person I am on the outside, as opposed to what's "hidden underneath." I think on the outside I appear to be very vulnerable, gullible and kind of just a shy, not very friendly person. But there's a lot more to me than that. I think even I have begun to think of myself as being this kind of person so much so that I have forgotten the true person I am.
I'm not vulnerable, rather, I try to accept the good in people and I try my hardest to make sure that I am not making someone uncomfortable or angry. I do my best to get on people's good sides. Is that me being vulnerable? I'm not sure. But I'm beginning to think that it doesn't matter. Why do I need to give a name to a certain aspect of myself? Maybe instead of "gullible" I am just a person who gives people the benefit of the doubt. Maybe instead of me being someone who is "cynical" I am a person who tries to accept reality for what it is instead of getting my hopes up and finding disappointment?
It's kind of ironic that today, Lee Changsub tweeted a song recommendation, Tasha's "Black Happiness" because a lyric in that song goes, "You gotta be strong, you gotta hold on and love yourself." The whole song is talking about being ashamed of her skin color, or just being ashamed of who you are and her resolution is that you just have to "be strong and love yourself." I think that, along with my observation of the tree has made me realize that instead of profiling certain aspects of yourself and ignoring the truth behind them, instead of focusing on the aspects of yourself that other people can see and ignoring the aspects of yourself that really truly define you, we should be focusing on the aspects of ourselves that make us who we are, and make us a person that we can love. Because they say if you can't love yourself, no one will.
This kind of just proves how the little things that Changsub does have big impacts on my life and the way I view life itself, and also that nature is sometimes most honest.
Anyway, those are just things that have been floating through my head today so I thought I would write them down.
If you are reading this, listen to Tasha's song and LIVE IT!
Anyway there was this huge tree that had been kind of dug up (?). Basically they cut a hole around it so you could see deeper into the tree than just the part coming up from the ground. I'm not sure why or how they did this or even who did this but it was kind of interesting to me because I didn't know that tree trunks extended so far deeper into the earth; I kind of assumed their roots were right below the surface or something but this tree's trunk was a lot longer and I wondered how far exactly it went into the earth before it became roots. Lately I've been assuming everything is metaphorical so I was thinking about it and it's kind of funny how sometimes things are a lot 'deeper' than we make them; problems are a lot worse than we think, there's a lot more to some people than we assume, things are not always as they seem I guess.
Anyway so this got me thinking about myself and what kind of a person I am on the outside, as opposed to what's "hidden underneath." I think on the outside I appear to be very vulnerable, gullible and kind of just a shy, not very friendly person. But there's a lot more to me than that. I think even I have begun to think of myself as being this kind of person so much so that I have forgotten the true person I am.
I'm not vulnerable, rather, I try to accept the good in people and I try my hardest to make sure that I am not making someone uncomfortable or angry. I do my best to get on people's good sides. Is that me being vulnerable? I'm not sure. But I'm beginning to think that it doesn't matter. Why do I need to give a name to a certain aspect of myself? Maybe instead of "gullible" I am just a person who gives people the benefit of the doubt. Maybe instead of me being someone who is "cynical" I am a person who tries to accept reality for what it is instead of getting my hopes up and finding disappointment?
It's kind of ironic that today, Lee Changsub tweeted a song recommendation, Tasha's "Black Happiness" because a lyric in that song goes, "You gotta be strong, you gotta hold on and love yourself." The whole song is talking about being ashamed of her skin color, or just being ashamed of who you are and her resolution is that you just have to "be strong and love yourself." I think that, along with my observation of the tree has made me realize that instead of profiling certain aspects of yourself and ignoring the truth behind them, instead of focusing on the aspects of yourself that other people can see and ignoring the aspects of yourself that really truly define you, we should be focusing on the aspects of ourselves that make us who we are, and make us a person that we can love. Because they say if you can't love yourself, no one will.
This kind of just proves how the little things that Changsub does have big impacts on my life and the way I view life itself, and also that nature is sometimes most honest.
Anyway, those are just things that have been floating through my head today so I thought I would write them down.
If you are reading this, listen to Tasha's song and LIVE IT!
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Shopping
Honestly, I don't have shitty style, but every time I see cute clothes or can pick out a cute outfit it wouldn't look good on ME. This is probably because I'm short and stout and on the chubbier side but it's really depressing because honestly, I DO have good style and I can find cute clothes all the time but I just can't wear them.
On top of it, I feel self conscious trying on cute clothes because I feel as if I'll be judged...why is THAT girl trying to wear THAT? You know..stuff like that..
Then i feel self conscious WEARING cute clothes because if I wear shorts I feel like I'll be chastised for it but then again what else are you going to wear in 100 degree weather I mean really.
Shopping, for a girl, SHOULD be fun right?
But it just isn't.
On top of it, I feel self conscious trying on cute clothes because I feel as if I'll be judged...why is THAT girl trying to wear THAT? You know..stuff like that..
Then i feel self conscious WEARING cute clothes because if I wear shorts I feel like I'll be chastised for it but then again what else are you going to wear in 100 degree weather I mean really.
Shopping, for a girl, SHOULD be fun right?
But it just isn't.
Saturday, June 8, 2013
insecure
It's so hard to be happy with who I am.
I know everyone has imperfections but to me, other people's imperfections make them beautiful...while my own...make me undesirable.
When I see pictures of myself, I cringe...and can almost feel the disgust I'm sure other people feel.
I wish I had confidence in who I am,
but I'm sure that won't happen unless I become skinnier, more beautiful, and more fashionable.
Ha.
Hanna
I know everyone has imperfections but to me, other people's imperfections make them beautiful...while my own...make me undesirable.
When I see pictures of myself, I cringe...and can almost feel the disgust I'm sure other people feel.
I wish I had confidence in who I am,
but I'm sure that won't happen unless I become skinnier, more beautiful, and more fashionable.
Ha.
Hanna
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