I am extremely disappointed in myself. Time to step it the fuck up!
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
June is almost oVER?
I had so many goals at the beginning of the summer and I haven't accomplished one of them.
traveling
Traveling has its ups and its downs, like all things, but this particular trip has made me realize a couple things about people & myself.
One thing that I absolutely despise about road trips is the fact that you spend long, miserable hours in a car, in which, for me, are spent completely carsick, where the only thing to do that doesn't result in going completely insane with agony is to sleep. Then, upon arriving, you do exactly what you came to do: relax. So, in summary, these trips are lazy as hell. The most frustrating part, however, is the fact that during this downtime, I start thinking and strangely become ambitious, finding myself making all these goals about my diet, health, commitments, and priorities that I can't begin until I get home. Even if I try to start here, I have few choices in what I am going to eat, or the activities I partake in. So I spend vacation in conflict, unable to enjoy the single reason families get away from home, to relax.
Then there are the pictures. Besides the fact that in most of them, my eyes are squinted, hair greasy, face make up free, and skin burnt, looking at the pictures makes me realize how unhappy I am with my body. If only I had worked out more earlier! I keep thinking, which again leads to those useless ambitions and goals that tire me out so that when I return home, all I really want to do is relax. But... isn't that the point of vacation...
I realize this all seems extremely negative and I'm not going to lie I did have that mindset on my vacation but at the same time I had a lot of fun. I was able to get away and relax and be with nature and just not worry about anything else and it was honestly really, really nice. I want to go back now that I'm faced with all these responsibilities again and I hate it.
So I guess it's true that it takes a little stress to get something good out of an experience.
One thing that I absolutely despise about road trips is the fact that you spend long, miserable hours in a car, in which, for me, are spent completely carsick, where the only thing to do that doesn't result in going completely insane with agony is to sleep. Then, upon arriving, you do exactly what you came to do: relax. So, in summary, these trips are lazy as hell. The most frustrating part, however, is the fact that during this downtime, I start thinking and strangely become ambitious, finding myself making all these goals about my diet, health, commitments, and priorities that I can't begin until I get home. Even if I try to start here, I have few choices in what I am going to eat, or the activities I partake in. So I spend vacation in conflict, unable to enjoy the single reason families get away from home, to relax.
Then there are the pictures. Besides the fact that in most of them, my eyes are squinted, hair greasy, face make up free, and skin burnt, looking at the pictures makes me realize how unhappy I am with my body. If only I had worked out more earlier! I keep thinking, which again leads to those useless ambitions and goals that tire me out so that when I return home, all I really want to do is relax. But... isn't that the point of vacation...
I realize this all seems extremely negative and I'm not going to lie I did have that mindset on my vacation but at the same time I had a lot of fun. I was able to get away and relax and be with nature and just not worry about anything else and it was honestly really, really nice. I want to go back now that I'm faced with all these responsibilities again and I hate it.
So I guess it's true that it takes a little stress to get something good out of an experience.
Mixed Feelings
Okay, I know and have seen first hand the bad effects of drinking and smoking and whatnot, and every time I hear about people who smoked or drank in their past they are always trying to quit or give advice to those younger than them to never start. So duh, why would I do that right?
Well lately I have been thinking about it and honestly I just want to get drunk, even if just once, for the experience. I want to know if I'm fun, or a crier, or if I become really fucking hilarious or whatever...and I think it'd be fun to be drunk.
On top of that, for some reason when I see pictures of guys smoking on tumblr or whatever, I can't help but find it attractive. Something about the 'bad boy' image is intriguing I guess idk but anyway I know I'm not going to drink or smoke but I just wish it didn't have bad effects because I want to.
Whatever lol idk???
Well lately I have been thinking about it and honestly I just want to get drunk, even if just once, for the experience. I want to know if I'm fun, or a crier, or if I become really fucking hilarious or whatever...and I think it'd be fun to be drunk.
On top of that, for some reason when I see pictures of guys smoking on tumblr or whatever, I can't help but find it attractive. Something about the 'bad boy' image is intriguing I guess idk but anyway I know I'm not going to drink or smoke but I just wish it didn't have bad effects because I want to.
Whatever lol idk???
Friday, June 21, 2013
Keep Your Word.
If you say you're going to move on, move on.
And then let ME move on.
Stop fucking commenting on my happiness with your sneers and your sarcasm.
I'm allowed to be happy after you. I don't need you; you don't need me, so stop paying so much attention to what I say about other people and leave me the fuck alone.
My life has nothing to do with you anymore, you made that 100% clear. So stay out of it and shut the fuck up.
And then let ME move on.
Stop fucking commenting on my happiness with your sneers and your sarcasm.
I'm allowed to be happy after you. I don't need you; you don't need me, so stop paying so much attention to what I say about other people and leave me the fuck alone.
My life has nothing to do with you anymore, you made that 100% clear. So stay out of it and shut the fuck up.
Korean Drama Rec List
Below are most of the dramas that I have watched. The ones that are not included are those that I only watched one or two episodes of and never got around to continuing them. The key is as follows:
To see the list, "Read More"!
bold: highly recommendedKeep in mind that these are my personal preferences and I explain why I disliked/liked all of the dramas at the bottom underneath the list. I hope you find this helpful if you're looking for a drama to watch and entertaining if you are an avid drama watcher like me. Also keep in mind that while this isn't an extensive number of dramas, I have watched my fair share of them...I'm not going to review each drama just explain what I liked or disliked about them. If you're looking for a summary of the drama google it :) Feel free to disagree or ask me questions or whatever in the comments, or contact me at my tumblr :)
underline: currently watching or never finished
italics: highly not recommended
To see the list, "Read More"!
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Someone...
If I'm ever going to find someone who I'm meant to be with or whatever, I really hope he's fun.
Like...intelligent when it comes down to something serious or intellectual, but someone I can be stupid and weird with and it not be awkward or annoying.
I'm realizing that the 'perfect guy' is probably not going to be someone who is 'perfect' but someone who is perfect for me.
Like...intelligent when it comes down to something serious or intellectual, but someone I can be stupid and weird with and it not be awkward or annoying.
I'm realizing that the 'perfect guy' is probably not going to be someone who is 'perfect' but someone who is perfect for me.
Favorite Songs
To be honest, I think the songs that will stick with me the longest are the ones I don't share with people. Those songs by unknown bands that you fell in love with for the music...not the band members or the influence from friends or its popularity but for the way it makes you feel. You don't have to explain yourself to other people about why you like these songs, or even tell people that theyre your favorite. And you may have other temporary favorites along the way but these songs are forever. I have a couple of songs like these and when I hear them, I feel most..myself.
Shopping
Honestly, I don't have shitty style, but every time I see cute clothes or can pick out a cute outfit it wouldn't look good on ME. This is probably because I'm short and stout and on the chubbier side but it's really depressing because honestly, I DO have good style and I can find cute clothes all the time but I just can't wear them.
On top of it, I feel self conscious trying on cute clothes because I feel as if I'll be judged...why is THAT girl trying to wear THAT? You know..stuff like that..
Then i feel self conscious WEARING cute clothes because if I wear shorts I feel like I'll be chastised for it but then again what else are you going to wear in 100 degree weather I mean really.
Shopping, for a girl, SHOULD be fun right?
But it just isn't.
On top of it, I feel self conscious trying on cute clothes because I feel as if I'll be judged...why is THAT girl trying to wear THAT? You know..stuff like that..
Then i feel self conscious WEARING cute clothes because if I wear shorts I feel like I'll be chastised for it but then again what else are you going to wear in 100 degree weather I mean really.
Shopping, for a girl, SHOULD be fun right?
But it just isn't.
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Alone Again
I think night time is the worst....I start to feel useless and annoying and lonely all at once when it gets dark and I'm left alone with my laptop and my messy room..
My friends contact me but
it's not like they really want to talk to me
I kind of miss the days where people would rush to text me when something good happened in their life...at least then I could be excited for them even if I'm not currently excited for myself about anything.
Oh well anyways back to watching kdramas or doing something completely unproductive.
Goodbye for now~
My friends contact me but
it's not like they really want to talk to me
I kind of miss the days where people would rush to text me when something good happened in their life...at least then I could be excited for them even if I'm not currently excited for myself about anything.
Oh well anyways back to watching kdramas or doing something completely unproductive.
Goodbye for now~
Falling in LOVE
falling in love is kind of like music…
…the more you listen to it, the more you connect with it. You start to memorize the lyrics, the beat, the tune….you begin to associate it with certain areas of your life, it becomes a part of your memories, you use it to reminisce, it suits any mood you have, it cheers you up, brings you down, gets you excited, makes you feel every emotion humanly possible…it gets stuck in your head for hours and takes over your mind….
Anyway I just think that the more you try to truly understand a person, the same way we analyze, memorize and obsess over music, the easier it is to fall in love with them.
…the more you listen to it, the more you connect with it. You start to memorize the lyrics, the beat, the tune….you begin to associate it with certain areas of your life, it becomes a part of your memories, you use it to reminisce, it suits any mood you have, it cheers you up, brings you down, gets you excited, makes you feel every emotion humanly possible…it gets stuck in your head for hours and takes over your mind….
Anyway I just think that the more you try to truly understand a person, the same way we analyze, memorize and obsess over music, the easier it is to fall in love with them.
Outside
Today, I spent a good deal of my day outside, where it was easily in the upper 90s, but with the humidity, it felt even hotter. Anyway, my initial motivation for spending time in the sun was to tan, which, if you know me, is nearly impossible, but I figure if I up the time I spend outdoors each day then slowly I will tan.
So I sat on a bench at a nearby park and kind of just read a book and watched the scenery and whatnot and I realized that being outdoors is really inspiring. It got me thinking about so many things that I've never considered and there was so much going through my mind at once but it wasn't overwhelming like usual- it was peaceful in a way, and felt like I was becoming more knowledgeable of the world just by observation.
I don't recall who but some man in history argued that observation was the key to learning and I'm starting to kind of agree.
Anyway I was going to put my headphones on and escape with the 1200 songs on my ipod to keep my mind busy but I ended up throwing away this idea because the sounds around me were just fine- not too distracting but not silent enough to drive me crazy. This got me thinking; these sounds are so simple and beautiful and so different from the electronics that we allow ourselves to obsess over nowadays and its interesting because if someone tried to reproduce these natural sounds like the sound of a car speeding by or a bird chirping or the grass flowing in the wind or the sound of water trickling, then it would be extremely annoying. Come to think of it, whenever songs or movies try to reproduce these songs I find that I get a huge headache or its just bothersome....
So that was one of my revelations: Sometimes the most natural things are the most calming, and you don't need an "escape from the world" to escape the world. Not sure if that makes much sense but it does to me so I'm going to leave it at that.
So as I was reading and thinking and appreciating these things, I noticed the people around me.
Honestly, I'm not much of a people person and I don't smile at people when they walk by me or whatever and I get extremely offended when people stare at me because I'm probably one of the most self conscious people I have met and idk that's just how it is.
But I noticed a certain man who was running on the circular half mile path around the park who I noticed was struggling greatly and looked tired as hell. He wasn't very fit, but in his workout shorts and oversized T-Shirt I could tell what his goal was. His back was sweaty and his posture was terrible like he had been running for days, and he often tripped over his feet and hung his head down in tire. Somehow I admired this man more than the two girls walking their dog with cute workout clothing on and perfect hair and tans and nice legs and whatnot... Because while they were gossiping and glaring at me like I was some sort of alien for reading or sitting on a bench for godsake or who knows what, this poor man was pushing himself over and over again to do another lap...another half mile...even though he was obviously dead tired.
There were other people there, of course, some running, some walking, some just admiring the lake or the park but to me, it was more interesting that a man, who could so easily give up and just stop, telling himself he's done enough for the day, could roll his eyes, take a deep breath and go another round. The beginning of the lap was probably the hardest, the way he knows he has an entire half mile left until he can take a drink, but it was probably the easiest too, being more shaded or whatnot, which really doesn't have anything to do with anything but I thought it was interesting that the most difficult time can also be the easiest.
I know I seem very creepy right now but I'm usually this observant so don't be surprised.
Anyway as I was leaving I looked at him across the park for one last time and turned away, and an interesting thought crossed my mind.
I will never see this person again. Isn't it strange how the people we encounter in our daily lives are most likely people who will only occupy a couple moments of our entire lives? We may see them a time or two again, but these people are as much a part of our lives as the grass we walk on, the roads we drive on, the air we breathe..they exist, we acknowledge them, but don't give them any real significance. But they are important. Without these little encounters like the one I had today, I wouldn't learn to observe, or appreciate the little things in life.
So I guess what I'm trying to get at is that even if it's a few minutes of your day, being outdoors or observing people or the world around you is so important. And more important is finding meaning in those little things. I find that the more meaning you find in the things that seem not to matter to you, the more you discover about life and yourself.
One last thought before I end this endless ramble of mine... Before I crawled back into the sauna of a car I was driving, I noticed a broken trashcan on the corner of the field. Above it, sitting on a pole, was a bird. I don't know why but this interested me. Right above the gross death of trash, thrown away, never to be used again, was something so alive and lively that it made me realize that life is a neverending cycle of life and death and these little things should be appreciated. Eh. That doesn't sound very profound; I apologize.
Alright, I think I am done.
Have a beautiful day, if you are reading this. And listen to The Script.
So I sat on a bench at a nearby park and kind of just read a book and watched the scenery and whatnot and I realized that being outdoors is really inspiring. It got me thinking about so many things that I've never considered and there was so much going through my mind at once but it wasn't overwhelming like usual- it was peaceful in a way, and felt like I was becoming more knowledgeable of the world just by observation.
I don't recall who but some man in history argued that observation was the key to learning and I'm starting to kind of agree.
Anyway I was going to put my headphones on and escape with the 1200 songs on my ipod to keep my mind busy but I ended up throwing away this idea because the sounds around me were just fine- not too distracting but not silent enough to drive me crazy. This got me thinking; these sounds are so simple and beautiful and so different from the electronics that we allow ourselves to obsess over nowadays and its interesting because if someone tried to reproduce these natural sounds like the sound of a car speeding by or a bird chirping or the grass flowing in the wind or the sound of water trickling, then it would be extremely annoying. Come to think of it, whenever songs or movies try to reproduce these songs I find that I get a huge headache or its just bothersome....
So that was one of my revelations: Sometimes the most natural things are the most calming, and you don't need an "escape from the world" to escape the world. Not sure if that makes much sense but it does to me so I'm going to leave it at that.
So as I was reading and thinking and appreciating these things, I noticed the people around me.
Honestly, I'm not much of a people person and I don't smile at people when they walk by me or whatever and I get extremely offended when people stare at me because I'm probably one of the most self conscious people I have met and idk that's just how it is.
But I noticed a certain man who was running on the circular half mile path around the park who I noticed was struggling greatly and looked tired as hell. He wasn't very fit, but in his workout shorts and oversized T-Shirt I could tell what his goal was. His back was sweaty and his posture was terrible like he had been running for days, and he often tripped over his feet and hung his head down in tire. Somehow I admired this man more than the two girls walking their dog with cute workout clothing on and perfect hair and tans and nice legs and whatnot... Because while they were gossiping and glaring at me like I was some sort of alien for reading or sitting on a bench for godsake or who knows what, this poor man was pushing himself over and over again to do another lap...another half mile...even though he was obviously dead tired.
There were other people there, of course, some running, some walking, some just admiring the lake or the park but to me, it was more interesting that a man, who could so easily give up and just stop, telling himself he's done enough for the day, could roll his eyes, take a deep breath and go another round. The beginning of the lap was probably the hardest, the way he knows he has an entire half mile left until he can take a drink, but it was probably the easiest too, being more shaded or whatnot, which really doesn't have anything to do with anything but I thought it was interesting that the most difficult time can also be the easiest.
I know I seem very creepy right now but I'm usually this observant so don't be surprised.
Anyway as I was leaving I looked at him across the park for one last time and turned away, and an interesting thought crossed my mind.
I will never see this person again. Isn't it strange how the people we encounter in our daily lives are most likely people who will only occupy a couple moments of our entire lives? We may see them a time or two again, but these people are as much a part of our lives as the grass we walk on, the roads we drive on, the air we breathe..they exist, we acknowledge them, but don't give them any real significance. But they are important. Without these little encounters like the one I had today, I wouldn't learn to observe, or appreciate the little things in life.
So I guess what I'm trying to get at is that even if it's a few minutes of your day, being outdoors or observing people or the world around you is so important. And more important is finding meaning in those little things. I find that the more meaning you find in the things that seem not to matter to you, the more you discover about life and yourself.
One last thought before I end this endless ramble of mine... Before I crawled back into the sauna of a car I was driving, I noticed a broken trashcan on the corner of the field. Above it, sitting on a pole, was a bird. I don't know why but this interested me. Right above the gross death of trash, thrown away, never to be used again, was something so alive and lively that it made me realize that life is a neverending cycle of life and death and these little things should be appreciated. Eh. That doesn't sound very profound; I apologize.
Alright, I think I am done.
Have a beautiful day, if you are reading this. And listen to The Script.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Lonely
Tonight, I feel lonely.
Not so much in the way that I need someone right next to me right now or that I even want to talk to someone but more that I don't even feel comfortable around myself right now.
I feel mad, hurt, cheated, annoyed, disappointed, guilty, jealous, and alone...
But to be honest, I'm so used to feeling like this that it's almost comfortable in a way. But today, for some reason, I want it to change.
Can't I just be in love with someone? I want to feel that. I want to love someone so much it's physically painful. But instead, I'm just left with feelings of resentment and regret and it's upsetting. I watch so many dramas, hoping that I can feel pain in the way the characters do when they love but instead I feel pain trying to love like them.
I can't do it, and I don't know why.
Why can't I love anyone?
I can't even remember the last time my heart fluttered because of someone who wasn't on the television screen. Someone told me I'm a hopeless romantic. It made me laugh, because it's probably true. But I can't find the least bit of romance in me besides my obsession with Korean dramas.
I just want to love...why is that so difficult.......................................
Not so much in the way that I need someone right next to me right now or that I even want to talk to someone but more that I don't even feel comfortable around myself right now.
I feel mad, hurt, cheated, annoyed, disappointed, guilty, jealous, and alone...
But to be honest, I'm so used to feeling like this that it's almost comfortable in a way. But today, for some reason, I want it to change.
Can't I just be in love with someone? I want to feel that. I want to love someone so much it's physically painful. But instead, I'm just left with feelings of resentment and regret and it's upsetting. I watch so many dramas, hoping that I can feel pain in the way the characters do when they love but instead I feel pain trying to love like them.
I can't do it, and I don't know why.
Why can't I love anyone?
I can't even remember the last time my heart fluttered because of someone who wasn't on the television screen. Someone told me I'm a hopeless romantic. It made me laugh, because it's probably true. But I can't find the least bit of romance in me besides my obsession with Korean dramas.
I just want to love...why is that so difficult.......................................
Sunday, June 9, 2013
June 9th.
Today, I graduate.
It's unbelievable, but I cannot wait. I'm tired of my bad reputation and getting away from these self righteous high school kids is going to be the best feeling ever.
I sound unsentimental but I'm really looking forward to starting new.
Hanna
It's unbelievable, but I cannot wait. I'm tired of my bad reputation and getting away from these self righteous high school kids is going to be the best feeling ever.
I sound unsentimental but I'm really looking forward to starting new.
Hanna
Saturday, June 8, 2013
insecure
It's so hard to be happy with who I am.
I know everyone has imperfections but to me, other people's imperfections make them beautiful...while my own...make me undesirable.
When I see pictures of myself, I cringe...and can almost feel the disgust I'm sure other people feel.
I wish I had confidence in who I am,
but I'm sure that won't happen unless I become skinnier, more beautiful, and more fashionable.
Ha.
Hanna
I know everyone has imperfections but to me, other people's imperfections make them beautiful...while my own...make me undesirable.
When I see pictures of myself, I cringe...and can almost feel the disgust I'm sure other people feel.
I wish I had confidence in who I am,
but I'm sure that won't happen unless I become skinnier, more beautiful, and more fashionable.
Ha.
Hanna
Lies
Finding out that someone lied to you multiple times is one of the most pitiful feelings I have ever experienced.
Why did I believe them?
How were they able to fool me?
Am I that dumb?
Looking back, I should have done something when I suspected that they were lies. But I didn't because I had no proof. I wonder how things would be different if I confronted people for their lies.
They'd probably cover up their lies.
But honestly, I can never trust this person again... They lied about something that I feel very strongly about and I cannot believe that I was foolish and naive enough to believe them.
But how pathetic is lying anyway? Are you so insecure that you have to be fake about yourself to feel accepted? Just tell me straight up and even if it's something I disagree with, I'll respect you more for disagreeing with me than for lying to me so you look good. How dumb.
Anyway, the truth comes out eventually and it's nice to know that there are still a few people who are genuine with me. I'm just going to be on my guard in the future.
Hanna
Why did I believe them?
How were they able to fool me?
Am I that dumb?
Looking back, I should have done something when I suspected that they were lies. But I didn't because I had no proof. I wonder how things would be different if I confronted people for their lies.
They'd probably cover up their lies.
But honestly, I can never trust this person again... They lied about something that I feel very strongly about and I cannot believe that I was foolish and naive enough to believe them.
But how pathetic is lying anyway? Are you so insecure that you have to be fake about yourself to feel accepted? Just tell me straight up and even if it's something I disagree with, I'll respect you more for disagreeing with me than for lying to me so you look good. How dumb.
Anyway, the truth comes out eventually and it's nice to know that there are still a few people who are genuine with me. I'm just going to be on my guard in the future.
Hanna
Friday, June 7, 2013
Baking!
So, again, I have failed on the diet thing and I'm not too motivated about it so we'll see how that goes but...
I have been baking lately!
On Wednesday, I bought some Andes Mints and made some cookies with them and they were AMAZING.
If you like minty things you should def try it!
I have been baking lately!
On Wednesday, I bought some Andes Mints and made some cookies with them and they were AMAZING.
If you like minty things you should def try it!
Then yesterday, I tried doing homemade soft pretzel bites and let me tell you, the recipe I found was perfect. It's more difficult than most snacks are to make but the finished product is sooo good! They tasted exactly like Aunty Anne's or Wetzel's Pretzels I swear.
Tooo good.
I was very proud of my successes but now I kind of need to stop with the food because I'm trying to drop fat! Anyway if you have some extra time and love baking I suggest trying those two.
Hanna
Cutting my hair today...
I'm afraid that if i cut it short I'll hate it and wish I had long hair again but at the same time I kind of want to cut it short because it's different and will probably look cleaner...
It's just so difficult deciding *sighs*
It's just so difficult deciding *sighs*
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Feelings....
From now on, I'm keeping my thoughts to myself.
It seems like most people misinterpret the things I tell them and I come off as a total bitch...
Well now to avoid that I'm just not going to tell people things.
Also,
I think the fact that I want to love someone is starting to have adverse effects on me and I'm mistaking feelings of friendship for a crush. Should probably stop letting that happen to me.
Then again, maybe this time it's real, right?
Nah.
Lol.
Hanna
It seems like most people misinterpret the things I tell them and I come off as a total bitch...
Well now to avoid that I'm just not going to tell people things.
Also,
I think the fact that I want to love someone is starting to have adverse effects on me and I'm mistaking feelings of friendship for a crush. Should probably stop letting that happen to me.
Then again, maybe this time it's real, right?
Nah.
Lol.
Hanna
Graduation + Random Things
Being at graduation rehearsal made me realize that even the people who are so dear to me now I will probably never see again. It's kind of sad that we never became close enough to hang out outside of school...
Anyway I failed on my diet...
I had two cookies and I just ate too much today!
I will try again tomorrow -____-" sighs
Hanna
Anyway I failed on my diet...
I had two cookies and I just ate too much today!
I will try again tomorrow -____-" sighs
Hanna
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
ramblings about things
I just want to read books and find someone to talk to about them and discuss and argue and learn and test each other and broaden my knowledge of the world...
Then I want to write beautiful things and have someone read them and criticize and help me improve and add their own wisdom to what I write so I can become more open minded...
And then I want to read others' writings and talk about what they love and try to appreciate what is important to them and have them lecture me on life and show me in detail the things they obsess about and why they do and me not understand it but just feeel their love for it and continue to learn...
And then I want to go places with someone and discuss things that are happening in the world and debate and observe things as they happen and study and take photos and just live in the world as it is...
I don't want to go to the movies, or play video games, or go bowling... I just want to talk.
I'm tired of these immature friendships where all we can find to do is talk about the other people around us and the silly drama that goes on in our daily lives that doesn't have any meaning at all in the world so we replace decent, worthwhile conversation with "fun"...
As Eleanor Roosevelt would say, "great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people." I want to have a great mind.
Hanna
Then I want to write beautiful things and have someone read them and criticize and help me improve and add their own wisdom to what I write so I can become more open minded...
And then I want to read others' writings and talk about what they love and try to appreciate what is important to them and have them lecture me on life and show me in detail the things they obsess about and why they do and me not understand it but just feeel their love for it and continue to learn...
And then I want to go places with someone and discuss things that are happening in the world and debate and observe things as they happen and study and take photos and just live in the world as it is...
I don't want to go to the movies, or play video games, or go bowling... I just want to talk.
I'm tired of these immature friendships where all we can find to do is talk about the other people around us and the silly drama that goes on in our daily lives that doesn't have any meaning at all in the world so we replace decent, worthwhile conversation with "fun"...
As Eleanor Roosevelt would say, "great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people." I want to have a great mind.
Hanna
Diet/Workout Begins!
Grr... I'm posting too often...
But this is important!
Tomorrow starts my diet!
Now, I haven't had coffee or soda since February 22nd, and I plan on continuing this until August 1st. However, starting tomorrow morning I am also avoiding all processed/non-natural foods as well as any drink other than water or milk (ahh!) It's going to be difficult but I'm going to do it! Hopefully until August 1st, minus the graduation cake my mom ordered for me.
Also, I'm going to start keeping track of my workouts and try to do better and better as the weeks progress.
Excitement!
Also, I'm scared.
Hanna
But this is important!
Tomorrow starts my diet!
Now, I haven't had coffee or soda since February 22nd, and I plan on continuing this until August 1st. However, starting tomorrow morning I am also avoiding all processed/non-natural foods as well as any drink other than water or milk (ahh!) It's going to be difficult but I'm going to do it! Hopefully until August 1st, minus the graduation cake my mom ordered for me.
Also, I'm going to start keeping track of my workouts and try to do better and better as the weeks progress.
Excitement!
Also, I'm scared.
Hanna
When You're Down....
When you're having a bad day or just feeling depressed for no reason, go do something.
Just being active and talking to people will brighten your mood naturally!
Baking cookies (which I did today- mint chocolate chip mmm), working out, going to the movies, just popping some popcorn and having a movie night with some friends, or even cleaning will be good therapy.
No matter what you're doing, make sure you're being productive socially or physically!
Hanna
On a side note,
I recommend the K-Indie band "Peppertones," who I accidentally left off my May faves list!
Just being active and talking to people will brighten your mood naturally!
Baking cookies (which I did today- mint chocolate chip mmm), working out, going to the movies, just popping some popcorn and having a movie night with some friends, or even cleaning will be good therapy.
No matter what you're doing, make sure you're being productive socially or physically!
Hanna
On a side note,
I recommend the K-Indie band "Peppertones," who I accidentally left off my May faves list!
Pride
Honestly, I just wanted to be on good terms. I wasn't purposely doing anything to hurt anyone and I made mistakes and didn't realize it but I think it's really immature to let pride get in the way of having a good relationship with someone as you say goodbye - especially someone you've known and been close with for so long.
However, that isn't my decision and I guess I'm going to have to accept that reality even though I don't agree with the way things were handled.
We all make mistakes but being rash because of others' mistakes hurts more than accepting your own and forgiving those of others.
And again I am faced with guilt.
As always.
Hanna
However, that isn't my decision and I guess I'm going to have to accept that reality even though I don't agree with the way things were handled.
We all make mistakes but being rash because of others' mistakes hurts more than accepting your own and forgiving those of others.
And again I am faced with guilt.
As always.
Hanna
Monday, June 3, 2013
June 3rd
Today I tried a more difficult nail design than I am used to from cutepolish, and it came out decent :)
That's really all the good news I have...
Unfortunately today is another lazy day, probably because I am just so exhausted. It's really sad, because the people that I would love to keep in touch with and have formed a really good, honest relationship with are the people who will be furthest from me in the future and most difficult to keep in contact with. I wonder if that's just a test to see if we're really meant to be friends or not... Either way, I'm going to miss them immensely while I deal with having those people that I'm just tired of around.
Second, I've realized that almost every single thing that you do will be taken in the wrong way.
Don't text someone back: It's because you're purposely ignoring them.
Don't give someone the attention they think they deserve: It's because you don't care about them.
Act a certain way: It's most definitely because of some malicious hidden intentions of yours.
It's like no one in this entire world has any empathy or understanding left in them and only think of your actions and how they affect themselves. Maybe, just maybe, if once in awhile people tried to truly understand why you do the things you do, they would find that most of the time it has nothing to do with them.
혈... I think I've just proved to myself something I've been battling with...
Well, I'll work on that I guess.
But in all seriousness, don't react to something with just your suspicious assumptions...instead try to understand before you make any judgment.
In other news, I listened to EXO's new album and while I cannot say that I like the whole "Wolf" concept (at all btw) I do like the rest of their music and find it pretty good so props to them.
Also, I'm becoming more of a fan of American hip hop music and all that stupid shit, which is weird because besides being catchy there's nothing that great about it. I guess music is interesting because it grows on you; the more you listen to a certain type of music the more you inevitably fall in love with it...which makes music both mesmerizing and kind of scary.
Lastly,
I am thoroughly upset with myself because I have not dieted nor worked out in the past four days and it's definitely taken a toll on my mood and self worth so I need to head to the gym, if not tonight, then tomorrow! I also need to stop carelessly spending money; I bought three new nail polishes today which is worth the $6 but...I need to stop now!
Have a nice day if you're reading, which I doubt,
Hanna
Saturday, June 1, 2013
May Favorites!
So, I'm not a huge makeup/nail/fashion/movie guru buuut I do have my favorites and I want to catalog them here so that in the future I can laugh at myself.
I'm going to start with fashion
I'm going to start with fashion
- Revlon Nearly Naked Powder and Foundation
- Sally Hansen Xtreme Wear Nail Color: Mint Sorbet
- Dove Style+Care Strength & Shine Extra Hold Hairspray
on to songsss
- 2pm: All Day Thinking of You
- Hello Venus: Would You Like Some Tea
- Dok2: Joah
- C-clown: Shaking Heart
- History: Dreamer
- 9Muses: Wild
- 100%: Want You Back
- Zion. T: Click Me
- NCIS
- The King 2 Hearts
Albums / Artists
- 2pm's Grown
- 10cm
- Lunafly
- Boyfriend
lastly, some internet faves
- D Trix
- Ryan Higa
- Blogilates
I'm pretty sure those aren't the only favorites that I have had over the past month but oh well this will do for now. Hopefully next month I'll still be using a blog (We'll see how long this thing lasts)
Bye!
Hanna
Today is June 1st, 2013...
...and I am thoroughly worried about my summer.
First of all, being a teenager, the summer is meant to be a time of long nights, days out with friends, excitement, and all that good stuff, which has never really been a super important part of my life but a social life is definitely a necessity. However, where I live, any type of 'hang out' must include spending money. Even if it's just that $4 spent on a smoothie whenever you hang out, that crap adds up after a while. And I can't just say no when friends ask me to do something with them, because one: that'd be rude, and two: I genuinely want to hang out with them. Even if I want to go to, say, the pool, I have to bother my parents enough to let me take a car, and then there's the money for gas. And after you swim all day, it's a given that you go somewhere to eat. So again, money.
There's always the option of getting a job, but that cuts down your summer tremendously, and makes you unavailable to hang out most of the time. Even if I manage to land a job, the money I earn is probably going to be saved for college expenses, since school starts up again in September.
Speaking of which, that brings up another point.
This is my last summer in Katy before I move on to college...so it's a given that I spend as much of it as I can with my high school friends. Right???
But then, being one of those self conscious, low self-esteem individuals, I also want to spend as much time as possible working on my weight and self image. This means more time working out...and even less time for friends or working a job. And then, of course, there's the dieting....which makes hanging out kind of hard because one: there's nothing to do here except eat (I'm serious) and two: being with friends around food is very, very tempting.
Then there are all the goals that everyone sets for themselves at the beginning of summer that never get accomplished and you forget about until the end of summer when it's pretty much too late... For example, this summer I really want to dedicate a couple hours a day to reading books and studying language. Coupled with the time I want to spend teaching myself dances and learning piano, that leaves little time for all the other crap I've previously talked about.
So...as great as it is to finally be in summer season, and have long days to do what I please...I am going to have to seriously prioritize and manage my money.
This brings me to the point of this post... (I promise it wasn't to state blatantly obvious facts about summer)... which is that I have created this blog to keep track of my goals. I am determined to make a change this summer and even if it requires social networking, it's going to happen.
I don't feel like proofreading so sorry for mistakes.
Hanna
P.S. new sports bras and coral nail polish. Totally worth the buy.
First of all, being a teenager, the summer is meant to be a time of long nights, days out with friends, excitement, and all that good stuff, which has never really been a super important part of my life but a social life is definitely a necessity. However, where I live, any type of 'hang out' must include spending money. Even if it's just that $4 spent on a smoothie whenever you hang out, that crap adds up after a while. And I can't just say no when friends ask me to do something with them, because one: that'd be rude, and two: I genuinely want to hang out with them. Even if I want to go to, say, the pool, I have to bother my parents enough to let me take a car, and then there's the money for gas. And after you swim all day, it's a given that you go somewhere to eat. So again, money.
There's always the option of getting a job, but that cuts down your summer tremendously, and makes you unavailable to hang out most of the time. Even if I manage to land a job, the money I earn is probably going to be saved for college expenses, since school starts up again in September.
Speaking of which, that brings up another point.
This is my last summer in Katy before I move on to college...so it's a given that I spend as much of it as I can with my high school friends. Right???
But then, being one of those self conscious, low self-esteem individuals, I also want to spend as much time as possible working on my weight and self image. This means more time working out...and even less time for friends or working a job. And then, of course, there's the dieting....which makes hanging out kind of hard because one: there's nothing to do here except eat (I'm serious) and two: being with friends around food is very, very tempting.
Then there are all the goals that everyone sets for themselves at the beginning of summer that never get accomplished and you forget about until the end of summer when it's pretty much too late... For example, this summer I really want to dedicate a couple hours a day to reading books and studying language. Coupled with the time I want to spend teaching myself dances and learning piano, that leaves little time for all the other crap I've previously talked about.
So...as great as it is to finally be in summer season, and have long days to do what I please...I am going to have to seriously prioritize and manage my money.
This brings me to the point of this post... (I promise it wasn't to state blatantly obvious facts about summer)... which is that I have created this blog to keep track of my goals. I am determined to make a change this summer and even if it requires social networking, it's going to happen.
I don't feel like proofreading so sorry for mistakes.
Hanna
P.S. new sports bras and coral nail polish. Totally worth the buy.
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