Heirs Episode 1 & 2 Thoughts

I finally caved in and started to watch Heirs and despite all the bad things I have heard about it I rather like it so far? It's easy to watch and for a Romantic comedy it isn't that bad...I like the characters & I don't feel like it's rushed or anything so far but then again I've only watched two episodes. We'll see. I"m looking forward to a lot of cheesy greasy shit because I've stopped watching RomComs & the ones I do aren't really cheesy and I miss it! Anyway, it sort of bothers me that Lee Minho is 36 and playing an 18 year old but whatever he does a good job I guess. High school romances kind of bother me but this one seems to be okay~
Krystal is annoying as hell though...I cannot stand her acting AT ALL but I'll try and make it through it.
Uh..the whole way they convey Americans really pisses me off though...the thugs...the druggie....the fat men chasing them....the girl who works at a breakfast bar and fights with her abusive boyfriend...the men who ask to buy her body...like.......I understand stereotypes so it's not like I'm surprised but it's just a little offensive.
Anyway I know I'm late to the party because everyone is finishing Heirs and I am just starting but just give me a couple days and I'll be caught up ahaha.

Marry Him If You Dare Thoughts

[ NO SPOILERS ]

So I started watching Marry Him If You Dare last week and have caught up since and to be honest the drama is just sort of confusing...not in the sense that the plot is hard to follow because it really isn't but more that they don't really develop the romance between the characters very well and they just kind of jump into it so it's hard for me to decide which man is the better choice. I feel like in most dramas it takes a couple episodes to really develop the relationships between characters but in this one it was like...twenty minutes...and you're supposed to believe that they're in love...like whaat? Regardless the drama is really cute but so far it has been kind of disappointing for reasons I will clarify below~ But I like the whole concept; it's a common question: If you could go back in time and change your actions would you? but it's not overdone.

[ SPOILERS ]

Thanksgiving

Uh quick Thanksgiving update...
I ate a lot and really need to start working out again because I've been unhappy with this body for like, years now but my ~issues~ keep coming back and idk that's just an excuse tbh I'm actually just really lazy but anyway!

My sister is having a baby boy and she is going to name him Alexander, Xander for short. I kind of wanted this name for my own child but that isn't happening any time soon so it's fine. Meanwhile I follow Third Wave Xander on Instagram so it's kinda funny but anyway

her husband and his brother are also here and for the last two nights I have slept on the floor of my younger sister's room which isn't so bad until the morning when my back kind of hurts but it's fine. I might sleep on the chair today or maybe the sofa but the cats use the sofa to sleep and I don't want to disrupt them.

Anyway I went black Friday shopping and got yoga pants but I really want some boots but they were all sold out wahhh. Hopefully I'll find some cheap ones soon.

Being back here is weird because, particularly in this room, I spent so much time upset or sick or bothered in the past few years here and it seems strange that the world has moved on since then.

But yeah, Thanksgiving was good food was yummy and family is nice.

Good night. (jk its like 2 but im gna watch more kdramas)

Late Night Thoughts

I've realized that no matter what you say or do, people are going to believe what they want.
Regardless of whether or not your words are true or have merit, people are going to use them against you.
They'll even go as far as to make up evidence, convince their friends and other people that they are right as justification for holding that belief (there's power in numbers i guess), or indirectly insult people just as excuses for being rude, stubborn, jealous, narrow-minded or for ignoring their own problems and focusing on other people.

But in life, that's not going to get you anywhere. If you waste your time focusing on what you don't like about other people, you are ignoring yourself, ignoring opportunity for your own improvement. It may be easier to put other people down in the moment but in the end it gets you nowhere. They're still going to do what they do and you can talk about it all you want but most likely that isn't going to change.

In my own life I have realized this later than I should, and now when I see it in others it hurts knowing that they may end up like me. I've experienced both ends of this, like most people do, and I think a lot of people stubbornly refuse to accept the fact that they are wrong.

Today I was thinking about how far I have come since high school and despite my many, many mistakes, I feel proud knowing I made my way through it all. Yet, still, even until now, there are things that continue to bother me, haunt me, and have made me close my heart off to things I know I should accept.
I will say, however, that certain decisions that I have made have been the best choice I could have made, I just should have done them sooner.

It surprises me how other people can stay the same...here I am...feeling like I have changed so much...but maybe I haven't at all. Maybe I am the same...because when I look at others, nothing is different. I'm just glad I am not the one they are hurting anymore.

I'm glad I avoided any serious harm though...I never made decisions that put me in dangerous positions and for that I am proud. It feels good knowing that i have stood up for myself and recognized that I was not mature enough for some things before doing them. Even though I was pressured for months, and criticized on both ends, and even though a lot of times I was vague about what I wanted, I never did anything that went against my morals, and isn't that something to be proud of?

What I'm wondering is, does that make me more immature than others? Or more mature for realizing that I was immature?

OOOOh life does not make sense at times.

I think I am just the type of person who instead of trying to make a situation better just endures it...I always think to myself, "just endure for this much longer and you can rest" instead of thinking of how to make that time easier for myself. I think this is a blessing and a curse...


Anyway...last thought...I know this has just been all over the place but yeah ok
I was told that all my tweets are me hating life and...it kind of made me sad...I don't want people to see that side of me; even though I am hurting I don't want people to pity me. It bothers me when other people look down on me or 'recognize' my depression...that's something I want to keep to myself. I know tweeting about it may seem like a call for attention but I didn't know any other way to cleanse without venting to people which I try to avoid at all costs. This is one reason I made this blog and also one reason I deleted my twitter.
I hope people in the future will see me as a happy person, and recognize that, like everyone, I have been through a lot, but I am still strong. The last thing I want to be seen as is weak.

Those Days

131125 Music Rec

idk I just like writing down songs I like when I think of them & hear them after a while you know

1. Bigbang - Top of the World
This used to be my all time favorite song until certain situations changed that buuut anyway this is still one of my favorite Bigbang songs...I especially love how fucking high Daesung can take his voice and still sound beautiful so yeah this is a really impressive and catchy song and it is very dear to my heart.

2. HITT - I'll Always Love You
When HITT debuted I fell in love with them and was extremely upset to find out that they broke up but this song is really pretty and adorable. Their cover of "Just the Way You Are" is also amazing buuut this is actually their song so yeah. Anyway I absolutely love this song because it's sweet & pretty & they have great vocals ^^

3. Matchbox Twenty - How Far We've Come
In junior high/early high school I really liked this song because it always came on during my gymnastics practices and would remind me that I need to go far in life to prove that living is worth it. I still really like this song because of the message it has, and also because it is so nostalgic for me.

4. LED Apple - With the Wind
This is a relatively new song but it's beautiful; Hanbyul's voice is irresistible & he shows off his vocals really well here. Not much else to say except I really like this song.

5. APeace - One
Talk about great vocals & harmonization...I love this song because it's beautiful and makes me feel peaceful. It came on shuffle the other day and I freaked out & felt all warm and fuzzy inside so I had to include it. Beautiful song. I wish APeace was given more attention. I love a lot of their songs but this one especially.

Dreams

Lately, my dreams have been extremely vivid and require extreme psychological investment and honestly I feel like they are taking a huge emotional toll on me. I wake up either crying or gasping or even it's to the point where I feel /bad/ for waking up like I feel like I've wronged the people in my dream by ending it if that makes any sense.

The other week I had a really terrible dream and while I don't really remember it now, the entire day I felt like I wasn't there...like everything felt so foreign and weird and it was like I wasn't even alive or moving or doing things at all it was the strangest thing.

I know I have strange sleep habits and have been known to talk in my sleep but it's getting kind of scary for me because sometimes I can't remember if things happened in a dream or in real life and I hate it soo much like I know that is kind of normal and happens to a lot of people but damn! I dream almost every night and they are always vivid and long and involve life changing decisions and I wake up feeling emotionally drained and I haven't even started the day.

I don't know if it is my lack of excitement in my life lately or what but something is causing me to have some pretty scary fucking dreams and it's freaking me out.


On another note, as for like "life dreams" and goals and shit, I'm kind of not exactly sure what mine are like...
Everyone has dreams that they know are unattainable and no matter how much you say "anything is possible" there are some things that just aren't going to happen with the resources you have but like
What is more important?
Like I have several 'dream jobs' or things I would love to do before I get too old to do them..like there are plenty of experiences I want to have before I graduate college and plenty of things I want to do but like, I know for a fact I can't do them so should I chase after the impossible or should I like, just stick with what I know I can do?

Honestly I hate studying and I really dislike school and if I were to have it my way I would drop out and get a job and save money to travel and shit but like that's just ridiculous.
And like /duh/ everyone dreams of going to Korea and studying abroad and shit but like how reasonable is it for me to assume that that is possible for me??? It probably won't happen....

Like idk I just feel like I'm not really going anywhere in life or doing anything that I really truly want to but at the same time I should be thankful just for the fact that I'm in a really good school and that I'm passing and shit but it's like that kind of stuff I honestly have lost interest in and I just want /other/ things for myself but that is selfish you know? IDK

I'm confused about a lot of things and it annoys me that I don't know who I am or what I want.

ohhh wellllll.

Life Update !!

This week has been a little strange but nonetheless kind of fun since I kept myself busy. I just worry about my diet; I haven't really had a real meal in a while so maybe tomorrow I will reverse that. We'll see. Anyway, Tuesday VIXX released their video and I was kind of freaking out about it all day and then I had a KUSA meeting where we watched Speedy Scandal which was a really funny adorable movie and I liked it and now I finally know where this gif came from laughs.

Wednesday I went to a friend's place to bake and it was kind of a fail; we used a pot instead of a bowl and then aluminum foil instead of a cookie sheet...Anyway the cookies didn't turn out that great but oh well. Then I went to a jazz concert for my friend because he couldn't go and it was for a grade or something so anyway I sat through that which was interesting and it made me slightly miss doing music but at the same time I feel like I made the right decision by giving it up, you know?

Thursday a girl in my class and I fangirlled a lot about VIXX and kpop and shit and it was nice..it's kinda funny how all of the friends that I make are because of kpop ^^ At first I felt really lame because of that but a friend of mine told me that people make friends because of similar interests and there is nothing wrong with that so I'm just going to own it and be proud of that aspect of me. Thennnn, I hung out with a friend and then studied for my Microeconomics midterm which was today, so I bought two Monsters (oops) and stayed up really late studying then woke up early to study again so I'm kind of tired.

It was SO COLD today like literally I was freezing my fucking ass off and I forgot an umbrella so I had to go to class all wet because it was raining and literally I was dripping wet onto my paper. So I made a point to go home and get an umbrella before my midterm and it was just a really bad test and I didn't even finish and I'm REALLY upset with myself about it but I'm trying not to think about it.

Anyway so then me and my friend decided to go catch a movie so we caught a bus that had a transfer except the bus we needed to transfer on was like...30 minutes late so we basically stood in the freezing rain for an hour waiting for it which was unpleasant. I felt really bad because this lady and her 2 year old child were waiting for us and not really wrapped in warm clothing and then they missed the bus when it finally came T T

Anyway we made our way to the mall and had some pretzels and then watched Thor which was pretty much good all because of Loki (criessss fangirllinggggg). Then we headed back and on the bus back this man was talking to us about super heroes and it was actually a super interesting experience because I was thinking about it and like, people are not scary at all I don't know why people get the notion that living in a big city needs to be scary and shit like all the people I see on the bus are really friendly and shit and I'm sure there are bad people too but like, why should I just assume that everyone is going to try to rob me or something like there's nothing wrong with being friendly and careful at the same time you know?

Like this guy was legit talking passionately and I mean /passionately/ about super heroes and his opinions and whatnot and like he pulled out a fucking copy of Iron Man from his backpack and I was like why does he keep that in there but like it was really funny and like I was having a normal human conversation with this stranger old man and it wasn't scary at all like he's just a person you know?

The more I experience people here in Austin the less afraid I am of people I mean there have been a few instances where I really was frightened but for the most part people are generally accepting and leave you alone even if they're initially kind of freaky.

The only time I've legit been scared was when some man downtown followed me around asking me if I wanted some of his cigarette like he legit followed us across the street and stuff and I was really freaked out but other than that I think I've handled the stranger thing pretty well like I talk to people and am respectful and I think that's a lot better than assuming theyre bad people and judging them.......

Idk like lately I've just been really angry when people judge people based on the way they live or act like I don't think anyone has the right to judge people because you don't know what they've gone through or what kind of situation they are in so what gives you the right to judge them like idk.

Lately it has been kind of a goal of mine to just smile at people I see even if they intimidate me because tbh I just find people really interesting like everyone is so /different/ it's crazy idK but yeah sometimes I smile at people and they look at me funny T T But then for some reason I get really embarrassed around people I know and look away so I'm confused why is it easier with strangers than other people ahahaha ok im rambling on

ANYway so now I am in my dorm and I might watch the MAMAs oorrr I might watch a drama or who knows what

That is all for now goodbye ~~~

Currently listening to: Mr. Mr. - Do You Feel Me

Pitiful

Sometimes I make myself out to be a really pitiful person instead of being strong or whatever in front of people even though in reality I am a lot more hardheaded and I don't actually pity myself like

I guess sometimes I just want people to feel sorry for me even though I don't really have a reason?

But like, at the same time it's like...
I don't need people to pity me, I'm totally fine handling my problems and shit on my own

So idk why I do it but instead of like, voicing my anger or whatever about things I turn it around and make it less about the things causing me pain and more about /me/ causing painful things to happen.

idk if any of that makes sense but it does to me/

Chubby Chubby~

Honestly sometimes I think I'm just destined to be chubby

I don't even like food that much
I like eating healthy and exercising tbh

But like
I'm so much chubbier now than I was a month ago and it sucks so much
like dammnn I need to start working out regularly again and not eating out
but then friends are like yo lets go eat and im like uhhh ok
and then like im about to go bake cookies for an event but like
you gotta try the ones you make ya know
damn it haha

131120 Music Rec

I haven't done one of these in awhile sooo~

1. Imagine Dragons - Every Night

"Searching to find myself, but all I find is you. I can hardly stand myself. So what am I to you?" Love this line! Wonderful song on a wonderful album.

2. Jade Valerie & Brian Joo - Don't Tell Me I'm Wrong

One of my all time favorite songs. I love their combination of voices and I feel the lyrics are easy to connect with.

3. VIXX - Only U

Of course I have to include a VIXX song... This was released the day before I saw them and since then I've been listening to it nonstop it's a really, really great song and the video is aesthetically wonderful. VIXX definitely fits any concept they're given haha.

4. Jaejoong - 빛

Currently my favorite song, especially to listen to on my way to class. I especially love the rock feel and I feel like it suits Jaejoong extremely well. This whole album is amazing!

5. Untouchable - Only You

Huge fan of Untouchable & especially this song! Lately it's been one of my favorites to listen to before I go to sleep. Very sweet and beautiful~

Self? Or...

I started writing about a fictional character and then after awhile I kind of realized I was writing about myself and it scared the shit out of me

I guess it's kind of silly like
I know my flaws and I'm well aware of the fact that I think too logically and that I'm ridiculously prideful and somewhat judgmental but instead of admitting it to myself and changing it I transferred the guilt I feel about these things to a fictional character

But that makes it even more hilarious like
here I am admitting these things and like I /know/ that they're true and all yet I still continue to convince myself that I'm just strong-willed or independent and I'm probably going to continue to do that when I close out of this tab and it's just so weird like how can it be so simple to understand and embrace these things but so difficult to get over them...

Like I guess I convince myself that these are just aspects of my personality that don't need to be changed but do they? Like I should probably be less selfish and jealous all the time but instead of practicing that I just let it go with the excuse that it's just how I am but like is it? Or am I just convincing myself that that's who I am when in reality I'm just being stubborn even about that like oh my goodness I don't even know what I'm doing!

It's like kind of trippy

Do I really have cynical views towards love and romantic relationships or am I just a romantic hiding behind the cynicism????
Is it really that difficult for me to think emotionally or do I just force myself to think logically to ignore the fact that I am far too emotional about things??
Am I really shy and awkward or do I just use that as an excuse not to show the world how opinionated and outspoken I am about things????
Do I really care about school more than most things or do I use school as an excuse not to care about other things???
Am I just afraid of my personality? Or am I so comfortable with my personality that I don't feel like I need other people to see it???
Do I try too hard and pretend oblivion because I want people to accept me and agree with me or is it because I'm too afraid to speak my mind and be disagreed with???
Are my opinions so strong that I feel the need to argue against other people or is it that my opinions are so weak that I'll just argue against anything?

Like damn! I don't even knnooowww lol
i hope no one I know reads this because oops..awk...

Funny

I'm insanely good at hiding things from people it scares me

Winter Dream Tea Latte

Oh my GOD I just have to like talk about this because it's perfect but today I was really craving a Chai Tea Latte and I didn't want Starbucks because their drinks are never really all that great and they're expensive as shit so I went to The Coffee Bean and there was this drink called the Winter Dream Tea Latte on the menu so I asked the lady what it was and she let me smell it and it smelled delicious and also she said it was a Chai plus some wintery flavors so I thought why not right so I bought it and it was the most delicious thing I have ever tasted plus it's really fucking cold outside so like the hot tea was perfect and ohmygoodness I want another one but I'll go some other day but anyway thought I would share that the Winter Dream Tea Latte is probably the best thing ever so yeah goodbye

Bragging

Lately I haven't really been doing as well as I want to in school and it's been extremely disappointing and depressing but today I received my test score for my first microeconomics midterm and I did a lot better than the average. I was kind of worried because I didn't study as well for this exam than the initial exam but I didn't do that much worse!

The first test I made 27/30 and this one I did 25/30 so I'm feeling pretty proud of myself for understanding the material. It's the one class I feel comfortable in so I thought I would just brag a bit ^^ I hate an A hehe yay.

Next semester I am finally moving on from the "basic" requirements of all university students and on to the lower level Business courses and I am sooo excited to finnaalllly be taking classes about things I like ^^ No more science, no more Calculus, no more history save one art history class I'm taking to fulfill a core requirement but oh my god then I am done and moving on to better things.

I think you know you're in the right major when you're excited about your schedule.

My roommate is taking like 5 science courses and that sounds terrible to me but she's like uber excited. That's what I love about college, the fact that there's something for everyone and everyone can finally pursue the things that they love and are good at. I'm hoping that from here on out I will be doing things that I like to do.

I am considering joining a gymnastics club here; I know it's been forever since I did any sort of athletic club but I want to sooo badly. I'm hoping there is a tumbling class or something and I'm going to seek one out for next semester.

Also, I decided I am going to try and join a whole bunch of cultural groups next semester, because if I am going to be a good, successful businessperson I want to be open minded and try and understand different cultures other than my own and Korean culture. Lately I have been drawn to Japanese culture and I considered taking Japanese but they aren't offering it this semester and that's a lot of hours that I would rather fill with other more relevant classes anyway but anyway the point is that I want to try and expand my repertoire of knowledge of other cultures.

Also, I am considering International Business as my major and though I'm not completely sure I think this will be the route I take. I might double major and do something else too but I haven't decided.

A friend told me I would make a good lawyer because I have good reasoning skills and am logical ((cough unemotional cough)) and I thought that was kind of funny. It's true in a way but I would never consider law just because I don't feel like the system is really all that fair. Who am I to judge...

Ok, that wraps up my life post.

If you're reading this, don't be defeated from yourself!

- H M J

Life

Imagine waking up every morning with notifications on your phone, looking in the mirror and seeing a pretty face and skinny body, opening your closet and finding beautiful, cute clothing, getting calls from people who want to talk to you, going to a job you enjoy where you are doing what you love and doing it well, being recognized by people for your talents, being able to be yourself and choose what kind of person you want people to see you as, being proud of your individuality, accepting your flaws, going out to nice places to eat, not having to worry about money, not being bored, having places to be at night, having people to take photos with and not worrying about what angle the camera is at because you're happy with how you look at any angle, having stories to tell, fun things to do, people to meet, places to go, people to fall in love with you, people to fall in love with...being happy...

Food

For some reason every time I eat meat, or like a real meal instead of just snacks and things my stomach starts getting churny and it flips and does weird things and it feels like I need to throw up or something like that and it makes noises and stuff and it's gross and I feel embarrassed because it's literally after every time I eat and I don't understand why...it's been like this for like a couple years and I used to think it was just because I was having anxiety issues but even like, in the comfort of my dorm I'm just like..I feel disgusting after eating....I know I should eat but when I do it's like discomfort for hours and I don't feel like going anywhere or doing anything so I feel like I shouldn't and ugH it's frustrating and idek why this is like a paragraph it was supposed to be one sentence goodbye

VIXX Milky Way Galaxy Showcase in Dallas, TX Fan Account

Today was beyond amazing and omg I really hope I don't forget any important details I'm still kind of processing the whole thing but I'll try before I forget things alTHOUGH IDK HOW I COULD EVER FORGET THIS NIGHT OH MY GOd

Ok so. We got to the venue about 2 and a half hours before it started which was like, an hour before the doors opened and there were already a lot of people there...I saw fyeah-vixx and withvixx and they were giving out cute little banners to hold up after VIXX introduced themselves in the concert and balloons to hold up during Starlight. We kind of waited around and admired everyone's clothing (literally everything was kpop related) and saw some impressive fan arts and it was really adorable because so many people had gifts and art and were wearing VIXX related clothing and one girl was wearing a ROVIX dress and I thought that was adorable oh my goodness.

Then I found some friends from UT and said hello and then it started getting closer to the time when the doors opened so I was kind of freaking out and trying to contain myself but just thinking about the fact that I was literally standing outside the building that VIXX were in was just insane I couldn't take it. I went down and found replayreplayshop and picked up my order and put it on and oh my god it is comfortable and cute i LOVE it.

Anyway by then it was getting dark and the doors were LITERALLY about to open we were counting down minutes and everyone was kind of pressed against the doors and stuff and crowding around them... then this lady came out with a camera and started videotaping so naturally we all kind of started chanting and flashing our banners and stuff and the thing was this lady was literally two feet away from me there was one other person between us oh my goodness and then the lady was like "Do you know VIXX TV?" and she pointed to the camera and we all cheered because we realized that she was filming for VIXX TV and so we did what she told us to and it was a loud crazy glob of fangirls and she videotaped us chanting for VIXX and if it weren't for some tall girl in front of me i would have been in the front row.

I really hope they include this in VIXX TV even for just a second because that would mean the world to me. Anyway, after she left a man came out and told us to get into two lines which was impossible...I was squished and uncomfortable for a couple seconds and then finally he opened the doors and let people in.

I was literally one of the first people in the venue so I rushed to the merchandise table and bought VIXX folders and a lightstick and recieved a free poster. Then I found a giant VIXX poster and took some selcas with VIXX's faces and stuff which was fun because I knew that I wasn't going to get to take a picture with VIXX so this was fine. I especially like the one of me and Ravi because wow bias.

Then, finally, they opened the doors to the actually stadium thing and let us in and I was surprised at how small it was; it wasn't that it was unbearably small it was just a lot smaller than I expected...which also meant my seats were way closer than I thought. Literally, I could see perfectly! I was in the second row of the second section but the first row remained empty the whole time so I had a great view of the stage without anyone blocking it in front of me (aka perfect seat).

I talked to a couple people and was surprised at how many recent fans there were...I felt like I was the only one who loved them since debut...I know that isn't true but it was weird to talk to people who have only liked them for a couple months and seemed like just as good a fan as me. I saw some fanboys and a couple of them were talking about how they  felt out of place hahaha. But whatever anyway they posted on the screen that photos weren't allowed and I heard that they really crack down on this so it made me kind of sad and then the guy announced that if you did take photos you would be asked to leave so I didn't want to risk it. I should've taken like just one just for me but oh well T T

When the show finally started it was such a tease...they would change the screen and we would go crazy but they wouldn't come out and I was like oh my god when is this going to start but finally the lights went down and you could see shadows entering the stage and naturally I was screaming my lungs out.

Then they performed On & On and when the music started my heart was pounding and I was kind of shaking and it was an amazing performance to be honest I started crying, it was just....they were so real. All of the members were there...in front of me...human...and it was just such a powerful experience I was shaking and screaming and laughing and crying and it was wonderful. I really honestly could not believe it was happening. At that moment I thought, "It's worth it. The years I have dedicated to fandom are worth it." Ravi's rap was perfect and their dance was amazing and powerful and it was unbelievable how good they are. Like seeing them all in flesh and stuff is sooo neat...just like...the way that they move and their dance it was a million times more impressive than it is on my computer screen i don't even know how to put it into words correctly.

They sang Light it Up next and wow Hyuk can really move his hips. I couldn't help but stare at him during this performance. That song is really good and it was awesome to see everyone waving their light sticks and singing along and I was really glad to see everyone so excited. I hope VIXX realized how many fans they have! Light it Up is such a good song and it was so fun like it was just this energized performance and it got us all excited and screaming like crazy.

When VIXX introduced themselves in English it was really cute and I was expecting Ken to do gross aegyo but he didn't he just introduced himself as main vocal Ken. We were supposed to sing happy birthday to Leo after his intro but there was no time!

Hakyeon introduced that Leo would be giving us a present, and Leo bowed 90 degrees and left the stage. I think N just kind of talked about the Milky Way Galaxy and asked us to name the showcase and stuff and was being really cute and talking to us and stuff and it was kind of annoying because Ravi was trying to tell us about his solo stage and the translator wasn't being very reliable but Ravi kept laughing when the translator didn't say anything and repeating himself until it was translated it was really fucking cute.

At this time they started talking about how it was like being in the United States and stuff and Hongbin was saying that they were in Fort Worth yesterday or something filming like they did in Sweden. At this point there was an old lady sitting in front of me and she turned around and said that they were in Fort Worth filming and she was their bus driver. She told us they dressed as Cowboys and then on stage Hongbin said, "Dallas Cowboys" or something and I screamed because I didn't hear all of what was being said on stage but combined with what she told me it was like ogsjdkfd; oh my god. And then she said, "Bet you wish you knew theyda been there huh?"

Duh.

So Leo's solo stage. He started out just playing piano and then he got up and walked around and stuff while singing and he was wearing all black (naturally) and that boy can sing wow. He really put a lot of soul into it and it was really great to see him doing a solo stage. After he was done he just kind of bowed and left and it was really cute to be honest.

Ravi's solo stage was PERFECT I cannot begin to explain how amazing his stage was. His shirt said "YO" on it and he was wearing a hat and his song was just so party-like and fun and the kind of song you jump up and down to and stuff and he rapped perfect and I really hope they put this song on their album oh my goodness. His dancing was flawless; he was doing some real hip hop moves and like oh my goodness he is just so cool. I couldn't believe he was there like literally I was screaming so much and nearly crying the girl next to me was like "Oh my god you're really freaking out!" I think at that moment I really knew he was for sure my bias LOL. Honestly I felt like i was going to collapse I could barely keep myself straight I was shaking and it was really fucking good. I was really getting down tbh and I just kind of let myself go which I think was the best feeling ever because Ravi was really into it and I was really into it and jumping and dancing and screaming and fist pumping and I felt really free. Ravi's performance was incredibly his style and also very impressive. He looked like he was having so much fun and it was perfect.

Hongbin and Hyukkie pulled a girl from the audience and serenaded her, doing a sort of skit where they were "fighting" over her and it was soooo good. They made use of technology and did cool things with the screen and stuff and Hongbin flashed his abs....Hyuk nearly grinded on the girl he was dancing sexy and came up to right next to her and did like a body roll, hip thrust thing and i was like wow if I were her I would be dead. Hongbin at one point threw confetti over her and at the end they held roses to her and asked her to pick one and she picked HongbiN???? WHY??? Ok just kidding I love Hongbean but like Hyuk was so perfect. His hair was flawless and his clothes oh my god they were both wearing really skinny jeans and Hyuk's skin is kind of tan actually? idk he just looked really good and when he smiled it was adorable. At one point the girl didn't know if she was supposed to get up or what and he kind of motioned for her to stay put and I was like aww he's cute. I kept thinking about how he is my age and it made it more real that he is actually a human being oh my goodness. Since he lost he threw candies at the audience but he's weak so he didn't throw far enough just kidding but I didn't catch one.

Ken's stage was perfect as well he was wearing black pants and black leather shorts over them which was adorable and a plaid red and black shirt and he was really fucking good. I love Ken but i don't feel like I really paid enough attention to this performance because I dont' remember it much....:c Honestly I don't remember much of Ken from the showcase so I feel bad because I really love Ken!

Last was Hakyeon's blindfold dance and WOW it was really good....that man is flexible....and he did the whole thing blindfolded I cannot believe it. He was so good and so sexy and it was just a really good dance I was impressed because usually I don't think of VIXX as very good dancers but he nailed it! I noticed he wasn't wearing shoes and like it really felt like he was a dancer LOL idk.

I think at this point was when they played a video about their journey...from children to today and it was touching and special and I was crying because VIXX has come so far and honestly they weren't very confident in themselves but they just work so hard... and then...oh my god....they sang Super Hero....I was literally just in shock at how perfect it was...that song is really close to my heart and I was singing every word with them and it was one of the best experiences of my life. Their outfits were adorable; Hyuk was wearing a ROVIX sweatshirt like me except his was red but i was like ohmygod we match hahaa and Ravi was dressed in some weird sweatpant/Tshirt with an old man drawn on it/sweatshirt around waist combination which was strange but so cute. I don't remember what the other members were wearing but they all looked cute together. Super Hero was the best performance of the night for me because it made me feel really special ^^

After that I /believe/ was when they brought a corkboard with sticky notes from fans on stage and members picked questions to read off. Hakyeon told us, "Firstly, sit down." and we all said, "Ye~!" it was cute.

At that time N kept wiping his forehead and underneath his eyes and at first I thought maybe he was crying but now I realize he was just really sweaty! Jaehwan said something to him and he said "Ye?" but I didn't make out what they were talking about but they appeared on screen talking to each other and it was kinda cute ^^

Then N kept telling Starlights to be quiet so they could start but we were trying to sing Leo happy birthday so finally he caught ona nd started singign too and Leo at first loked really confused but when he realized it he dropped his head down and got all embarrassed and was hiding his face so that we couldn't see that he was laughing and it was adorable. He was smiling sooo much but he was trying not to show it. It was adorable!

Then Hakyeon or Ravi or both ? i dont remember but one of them said something about Hyuk after we sang and the translator didn't repeat it so we were kind of unsure about what was going on but I think they were talking about Hyuk's birthday? I'm not sure. Ravi kept laughing because of the awkwardness because no one knew what they were talking about.

When Hongbin was picking notes from fans to read aloud Hakyeon kept going "Hmmm....." like he was rushing Hongbin and it was really funny. Hongbin took forever and all of his were like "VIXX I LOVE YOU" and he would answer "Me too I love you" and things like that and he was being really cute when he smiles he looks really asian and his eyes are really adorable. Hakyeon said, "Why does Hongbin english very well?" which was HILARIOUS. Hongbin replied, "English is fun." and at this moment there were a lot of English things going on that I didn't catch but yeah.

When Hyuk was picking N was doing the same thing except Jaehwan joined him and was making sounds of cars passing by like he likes to do and it was cute and funny. Hyuk picked a question that asked him to rap how he feels right now and he decided to rap battle with Ravi. I think Hongbin? told Ravi to stand but then everyone stood and they got embarrassed and told us to sit back down it was cute!

Ravi was like "just Korean " and kind of smiled and blushed and it was SO CUTE i think he was embarrassed but it was adorable. He kept smiling and laughing and blushing and I was like oh my dear god you're adorable. Ravi's freestyle rap was really good as usual..but Hyuk's response was hilarious. I didn't understand completely but he was kind of just saying random things at one point he said "If I was your boyfriend" and then "I'm not afraid" and it was just hilarious it had Ravi almost on the floor laughing which made it even better. He kind of just said lines to popular English songs in a row like he was rapping but it was just really funny!

Then Hakyeon said "Me now" or something along those lines and he picked some questions and one was "N, Will you marry me?" He read it out and then said, "And then....next... 'Ken, Hongbin, Hyuk, Leo, Ravi, hello!" Then he made a face like 'annoyed' that they left him out or something and it was hilarious because I actually thoguht that the person who wrote it left him out but then he was like "N, will you marry me? And Ken, Hongbin, Hyuk, Leo, Ravi." Originally he made it sound like two different sticky notes but it was all on one so it was funny... So N was like "No!"  and we all laughed. Then he said, "I'm still young," and then you could hear Jaehwan say, "I'm ready!" which was really funny and we all cheered lol.

After that, N said there was something we didn't ask but they would do anyway which was girl group dances...so they asked what kind of music there is in Dallas and played some girl groups songs and then they danced to I Got A  Boy and oh my GOD Leo was so awkward. I kept watching him because I knew he didn't do VIXX girls and I wanted to see how he did but he was lost and kept looking at Ravi for help and it was soo funny. N stopped and told Leo to do it right so they tried again and then N got mad again and spanked Ravi for some reason I didn't catch...and then they tried it again and I think N said, "One more time." and then that time he stopped again for some reason I don't remember...maybe it was something Ken did? idk. Anyway, then he was like "Ok one more time" and they did more of the song but they weren't very good at it save Hyuk who can really move his hips. I was dying he looked so good. The rest of them didn't seem to remember the dance or weren't trying very hard but Hyuk and I think Hongbin maybe were good at it. I thought Ken would be all over that shit but he didn't seem too into it ?

Then ROVIX came on screen and told VIXX they had a mission command to show us something never shown before so naturally they made Leo do kwiyomi. Leo covered his face the whole time and didn't really do it very well but the rest of VIXX was really into it and Leo was being really cute.

Then Ravi did kwiyomi and he was SO CUTE his face came on screen and I was dying he's so attractive. The best thing about Ravi tonight was the fact that he was just smiling...all the time.....

Oh one random note...there was a lot of booty showing tonight for some reason. Hongbin especially..ahaha and he doesn't even have a butt! During the I Got A Boy Jaehwan shook his butt and we went crazy lolol.

Anyway, after that ROVIX told them to  teach us choreo so N said, "Ravi teacher!" And Ravi stepped out and taught us one part of Rock Ur Body which is really easy (the "Rock your body body, rock your body body part with the arm rolls) and then he said, "It's easy right" and we said, "Yes!" so he said "Good students." in English!!!! WHICHW AS SO CUTE I SWEAR RAVI IS JUST ADORABLE. N told us to dance it when they sing it later.

Also, when N said "Ravi teacher" it made me think about his name "Ravi" like ok idk why but like I always have the urge to call him Rabi because it's a cuter version of Ravi and it's kind of how they pronounce it anyway..but yeah so Rabbi in Hebrew means teacher and I know they're pronounced differently but I was like OH MY GOD for a moment because it was cool but yeah idk? I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS COOL.

Next they said they had another gift for us which was the Starlight song and we all waved our balloons and I'm pretty sure they shined the light on us so that VIXX could see us waving our balloons in the air and stuff which was so sweet it was like a sea of yellow and it was touching. I really love the fact that all these Starlights were all together showing our love for VIXX ^^

I think next was Rock Your Body, which was really fun because we were all dancing with them and it is originally a fun song. It was cool to see the choreography so close; I never realized how awesome it is. It was really, really very neat! I was jumping around and having fun and singing along and it was really awesome to hear that song because it is one of my faves. They put a whole bunch of pacman like graphics on the screen which made it even better. We all danced the choreo Ravi taught us and you could see him smiling ^^ IT WAS AWESOME.

After that the stage went dark and they all said thank you so I was worried that it was over....they had to go change so they took awhile to come back so we were all kind of worried that it was done you know? Anyway everone was chanting "WE LOVE VIXX!" and "ENCORE!" and some people were stomping which I found rude but oh well. They came back on and performed Hyde but it was a remix Hyde and it was just SO COOL! Everyone was singing along and I was too and it was just a really good performance of Hyde. I'm not a fan of the eyeliner look on them so I was happy that it was just a nice performance idk. Hyde is such a good song and everyone was singing and it was just GREAT. After that I think they said some things but I don't remember what exactly it was that they said and then they announced that it was their final song... T T

They sang gr8u and it was perfect and amazing and Ravi's rap was great and at this point I was trying to soak up all the VIXX I could in so little time and it just went by so quickly and I didn't want it to be done and it was....and I was immediately sad to be honest..they walked off stage and Ravi went the wrong way (he was headed off stage down to the seats instead of backstage) and when he realized his mistake he laughed cutely and ran away and waved goodbye and idk he was just being so adorable tonight i cannot believe how cute he was. As they were leaving I couldn't help but think this may be the last time I ever see them....it might be the single time I ever see them..the only..time...so it made me really sad to see them disappear one by one behind the curtain.

The announcer then told us that under the seats there were wristbands for winners of a photo with VIXX and I was really mad because the girl LITERALLY right next to me got one. :c
I looked through other seats to find one but I didn't and a guy told me to leave so I had to T T sighs.

One thing I kept thinking throughout the concert was WOW these guys are REAL. They're human  beings. With Hyuk especially I kept looking at him thinking this guy is my age. It was really special to be able to experience something like that and I really hope that VIXX appreciates their USA fans. I had the time of my life and I am so thankful for the experience and I hope that I get the chance to do it again.

One thing that I hope happens if I ever go again is sitting by people I know..

I was worried that it would be scary and crazy and confusing when I got there but everyone was really nice and we were all just crazy fangirls so it was easy to talk to the people around me but like

I would rather spazz with people I know ya know

Anyway I'm still glad I got the chance to see VIXX

They're really, really beautiful people and I think they're just adorable and hilarious.

I definitely solidified the fact taht I am Ravi biased but Hyuk is still, as always, messing with me =3

It made me mad because I heard some girls talking about how they don't like Jaehwan and it sort of pissed me off the way they said they didn't like him because of his dumbness on screen? They said he is "bearable" now after seeing him in person because they know his dumbness is him joking but I think that's so rude to say...like that's just his personality he likes to be funny and weird and who are they to judge IDK. "Bearable" grr.

Ok so yeah this is one really long fan account so I apologize but yeah that's it!
ask me questions or talk to me about it: ask.fm/changstud !!!!

October Faves

Sorry for lack of posts; lately I have had a lot on my mind but I haven't been able to express it in words.

Update: 5 days until VIXX Live in Dallas! I cannot wait. I am really hoping that things go smoothly although I am slightly worried since this is my first time traveling / spending the night in a different city without my family and it's going to be weird! Also, I am sitting alone so I do hope I sit by nice people. I'm also kind of short so I hope I can still see the stage and such, especially since my seats aren't way up close. Oh man, I hope I can get some good footage and photos. I want to wear something cute but can't find any cheap cute clothing around town so we'll see how that goes.

Ok sorry. Anyways I actually have A LOT OF MANY favorites so here goes!

Music

• Lee Seung Chul: My Love (it takes a lot for a video to make me cry but this one did, currently my ringtone)
• Bestie: Love Options (hilarious, perfect)
• Jaejoong: Just Another Girl (new song but sooooo good and soo Jaejoong)
• Boyfriend: Excuse Me (and all their other songs as usual)
• Untouchable: Only U (so cute, so good, can't wait for Untouchable comeback!)
• Nell's album "Let it Rain" (perfect studying music yes)
• LeeSSang: Girl Who Can't Break Up, Boy Who Can't Leave (it was in my head one day and then I listened to it and didn't stop for like a week omg)
• Nell: Cliff Parade
• Imogen Heap: Hide and Seek (rediscovered this song couple weeks ago and love it even more now)
• Beenzino: Boogie On and On (I basically listen to this when I walk to class every day)
• Young Money: Bedrock (don't judge me.)
• Dear Cloud: U ( still on my favs. amazing!!!!)

TV / Dramas / Movies

• Running Man: I've always loved Running Man but recently found it to be a good pastime for when I am stressed or need a laugh. Kwang Soo especially has brightened my mood a lot this month and I even dreamed about him a couple times LOL. Honestly all of the regular cast is hilarious and I love them and they really make me happy.
• Two Weeks: Someone I know recommended this one...I was going to start Heirs but this one is so much better oh my goodness. I think it's a sort of City Hunter like drama except better! It's perfect. I love the drama, the storyline, the actors, everything! The characters are perfection and I love the way that it isn't your traditional love story drama but instead about the relationship between father and daughter and how it drives the entire story!
• Chilling Romance: Me and a friend watched this movie together the other day and loved it! Lee Min Ki is one talented actor and the drama is adorable! I love the way he expresses his feelings and the inflections in his voice when he does...that sounds weird to say but oh my god he's just amazing. Good good movie, if sort of weird at times hehe.
• Saw series: Me and my roomie watched 5 (?) Saw movies this month and have been pondering about their meaning / message and whatnot and they're just really good movies that make you question your values and morals and things. Good good. Good stuff yes good.

Fashion
~~~Firstly: recently I have bought many items online and not many items in person so most of these are things that I like that are kpop related lmfao
~~~Secondly: I definitely don't have sense of style but that doesn't mean I can't like things so that's why I'm sharing~

• LeeSSang hat: like I said, I've been watching a lot of Running Man and Gary wears LeeSSang hats all the time (obviously) and I've also really been wanting a snapback (originally I was going to buy a "geek" one or "comme des fuckdown") and I bought this on a whim and love it! It's a little big for my head but you know who gives a shit haha.
• Chanyeol Wolf shirt: I'm definitely not an Exo stan but seriously I have been loving that sort of black and white fashion like these shirts and I bought Chanyeol's because he's adorable and I love him but anyway I would literally wear this every day if I could because it's comfortable and goes with my style!
• jacket (above): My mother bought me this when I went home for the weekend and it's perfect!
• sweatshirts: Unfortunately I do not own any of these buuuut I saw THIS at Urban the other day and fell in love with the style (the sleeves are a different material and it's just wonderful omg)....not that I would ever be able to pull it off or afford it....nonetheless I really dig the large black and white sweatshirt type for some reason. I really love wearing the color black especially in sweatshirts so I went ahead and pre-ordered THIS ONE in a crewneck which I will pick up in Dallas on Friday. It's not as great as some like this, this, or this (i want this one sooo bad), which I would love to own but it's okay because I'm supporting VIXX and probably wouldn't pull the others off anyway.

Bloggers

• clothesencounters: Jenn is adorable and has great fashion sense and is really gaining popularity lately. Best of luck to her.
• feralcreature: Wow, talk about fashion inspiration! She's perfect, literally! I am insanely jealous of her build and make up / fashion talent.

Food

• Pineapple fried rice: I'm not huge on Thai food but me and the roomie tried some Thai the other day and this dish was amazing!
• bananas: always a staple in my diet!
• Gold Emblem: Cheese Snack Crackers: almost better than Cheez-it's honestly! I really like cheesy foods, like a lot, so when I found these cheap I had to try them and they're amazing!
• Gold Emblem honey roasted almonds: Mmmm, almonds...
• peanut butter jelly sandwiches: I find that if I don't eat lunch I get headaches until dinner and end up eating too much. A PBJ with some milk and a banana is the perfect lunch to keep me full and happy until dinner time.