Week of August 25 Song Rec

So I'm kind of sick as hell and my roommate is gone for the weekend so I'm a bit lonely but I tried not to let that reflect how I chose songs to recommend. I kind of like doing this song recommendation thing because I can reminisce about old songs I like and analyze them and kind of think about what they meant to me back then and what they mean to me now and it's really fun. But anyway, here are 5 songs that I find to be very well done.

1. Avicii - Wake Me Up
Yesterday my sister showed me this song and I've been listening to it like crazy because it's really just a good song! I love the beat and the sound and the guy's voice and especially the lyrics. "So wake me up when it's all over, when I'm wiser and I'm older. All this time I was finding myself and I didn't know I was lost." I think that is just a perfect way to express life, as kind of a blind journey through things not knowing who you are or what kind of person you are but also not realizing that this ignorance. I think it makes a lot of sense, that we kind of "wake up" when it's all over, when we're older and understand more, and we realize what all of our past choices and experiences mean. So I like this song because it's just really true and it makes me feel a lot less worried about my future.

2. Taru - 네가 있으면 좋겠다
I'm a fan of a lot of Taru's songs but this one is hands down my favorite. It's an OST for the drama "I'm a Flower, Too" which is one of my favorite dramas as well, so maybe that's the reason that the song stuck with me so much but in addition I think it's a beautiful and romantic song. The chorus in particular says things like, "As much as I hurt, love me," and such and I think that describes the couple in the drama perfectly; they went through so much pain because of each other but loved each other even more after and I really like the idea that in a relationship, though you might cause each other pain you make up for it through love. I think that is an important way to keep a relationship strong. Also, this song has a beautiful melody and whenever I listen to it I feel calmed and reassured, like you should in a relationship. So that's I guess why I recommended this song, its sound matches the lyrics and they're both really beautiful.

3. Daesung - Wings
This is one of those songs that you don't skip when it comes on, no matter what mood you're in. I'm not a very optimistic person but this song is so optimistic and it just really pumps me up! It's talking about a break up, and how "it's okay so just cry louder" and I just think of it as a really good way to think of things when they don't go how you want them to. Instead of hanging your head low and being sad or upset, just kind of let it all out and look at the positive things around you, find what's beautiful about the night and make that your motivation to get through it. In addition I think Daesung is an extremely talented vocalist and while I love Bigbang and their style I'm glad he got to do something that fits him so well.

4. JYJ - Long Way
A lot or most of JYJ's songs really speak to me, but this one in particular. Every time I hear it I instantly feel better and it drives me to move on in any situation. It's basically a song saying that as long as we keep going, keep following the long path in front of us, we'll eventually see our dreams again. So it's in a sense a song about not giving up on yourself, not lying to yourself, promising not to forget your dreams and aspirations no matter what happens. I find that extremely commendable and I want to be the type of person who never strays away from who I want to be even if I don't know exactly where I am going with life. "I'm walking forward yeah my long way long way..." JYJ's voices, the sound, the lyrics, everything about this song is just absolutely perfect!

5. TRAX - Blind
So this is one of those longing-for-love, one-sided love kind of songs and I guess the reason I love it is because I can kind of feel the desperation through his voice and the way the song progresses and whatnot. It's about the one he loves being blind to his love and not looking at him, and in a way he blames himself. I can kind of sympathize with this song because I have also been in this situation before and it really sucks, but all in all I just really love the emotion that is put into this song and I think TRAX is a very talented k-rock group that doesn't get enough credit!

first day of class

I try to avoid just talking about my life because no one really gives a shit about that kind of stuff but here goes

I woke up at 6:30 thinking "oh my GOD i'm late" but then realizing the time I went back to sleep and woke up again at about 9:30, got ready for class and left at 10:30. I got to class like twenty minutes early which surprised me because the other day when I was finding all my classes it took me twenty minutes to get there, not just ten but whatever! So I sat outside the classroom and was very sweaty because it's like 100 degrees outside today and didn't really talk to anyone until I got inside and this girl next to me introduced herself and that was nice but then the prof. told the M408L kids (being me) that we were in the wrong classroom and it got moved so a bunch of us had to go to an entirely different building but it was okay because that's the Business building and I'm a Business student so I kind of like that better plus it's closer to where I live so no twenty or ten minute walk or whatever but anyway this is a run on sentence that should probably stop. So our professor was with us and we were all like ten minutes late to class and there was this huge group of people waiting or whatever but anyway I found a seat in the front (Thank God I learn better up front) and it was nice but there was a huge douchebag next to me who refused to take notes and made snarky comments all the time which pissed me off like why do you have to be an asshole on the first day and mock the poor professor who didn't know much English it seemed and was this young Korean guy who was really adorable and it was his first day too poor guy and then this dude next to me is like sighing really loud and making mean comments and I wanted so badly to tell him to "please shut the fuck up :-)" but I don't want to be a bitch so I just rolled my eyes or whatever but anyway. So that class was kind of awkward and not organized real well but then it ended and I went to the Student Activity Center to get some Starbucks and eat my PBJ I made this morning and that was cool I just sat alone eating and tweeting or whatever nbd.

Then I went to Microeconomics which was a lot more structured and I also got a seat up front which was great and my professor seems cool he's kinda old and funny and has a nerdy voice so I think we'll get along and that class was fine tbh. I saw an incredible attractive Asian boy across the room in a hat which UNF but yeah anyway not important. I wanted to introduce myself to my professor but got too shy so I just kinda walked away. OH and when I was entering the classroom I totally tripped down the stairs which was kinda funny but I'm chill so I just kind of ignored it like whatever oops.

Then I went to CVS because my throat aches and got some cough drops and new headbands because headbands are totally my thing right now I love them to death so yeah now I have three new ones which is a \o/ YAY! kind of thing.

So yeah.

I've only been in Austin for like 4? days and I already love it here.

I love that it's so diverse; everywhere you go there are different kinds of people and no one is weird about it. The other day I saw a man in a bra and a skirt with his face painted like a mime and no one was looking at him funny at all. I love the fact that I have to walk everywhere because 1. I'm going to get tanner and maybe thinner this way and 2. I get to observe things more closely and it's really nice because I love to just be in this crowd of people all going somewhere and not feel awkward it's just cool.

I also really love the variety of things I can do here. Yesterday I met with a friend and played frisbee for like an hour and a half and it was fun and really nice and I got better and tbh I just think stuff like that is important in life like these little things we do with friends that don't seem to mean much. Because without them we would be boring and you kind of need spontaneous things in your life or else it's not going to be fun.

My only problem currently is that I have some things I need to get and things I need to do but I'm kind of not used to the environment completely yet so I feel kind of awkward doing some things so I've been putting them off but I'll get through it.

I'm really enjoying college life and I'm so glad I'm here at this school. I don't think I would feel comfortable anywhere else.

Week of Aug 18 Song Rec

I've been a little busy buuut here are 5 new songs I want to recommend. These songs mean a lot to me, so even though I'm not writing a whole bunch about them know that they are some of my favorite songs and I appreciate them and value them dearly.

1. 검정치마 - Love Song
I think this group translates to "Black Skirts" but I'm not 100% sure. Anyway, this is one of my favorite songs by them and I especially love the lyrics, "Hey, let your bright light shine on me. Can you love me unconditionally and sing a million lullabies on a sleepy day," because they make me think of a really sweet, innocent relationship where love is unconditional and romantic and *sighs* it's just cute to think of. Then the next line, "Hey let your sea breeze on me when I'm sailing internationally and whisper all your prayers on a stormy day," makes me think of a love that spreads across all distances, the type of love where you think of each other and pray for each other despite not being able to see each other. Anyway so this song is just one of those cute ones I like to listen to when I'm feeling calm.

2. Nell - 기억을 걷는 시간
I've seen too many translations of this title so I'm just going to write the Hangul haha. Anyway I cannot express to you enough how much I love Nell and Nell's songs. They were composed beautifully and the sound the group has is perfect. What I love most about this one is the progression. It starts out slow and soft, with only a couple musical voices, and progresses more and more until it's just an extremely powerful sound...it's one of those songs that you can listen to when you're sad and by the end of the song you'll be inspired and feel refreshed, renewed almost...It's a long song but I don't ever realize how much time has gone by when listening to it. Ugh I don't even know how to put how I feel about this song into words.

3. MBLAQ - One
This is one of my favorite MBLAQ songs because I love the way their voices compliment each other. The song just honestly makes me extremely happy and I love singing along at the top of my lungs and just kind of dancing around when I'm alone. It's just the perfect song to boost your mood or inspire you. It's also one that makes me feel kind of flirty tbh. hahhaa moving on...

4. Kim Bo Kyung - It Hurts
God, I love this song. This song is one that was there for me for the couple months I was extremely depressed. It's sooo powerful and a good thing to listen to kind of channel all your negative emotions and it's very theraputic. I used to listen to it a couple times in a row as kind of a catharsis of sorts. Anyway Kim Bo Kyung has a beautiful voice and I love the way she puts emotion into this song. It's really perfect.

5. Dalmatian - Really Really & Lost In Love
I couldn't choose between these two songs because I love them equally! When I first began to branch out from being a Shawol and VIP I heard about Dalmatian's debut and checked their album out and fell in love with these two songs in particular. I really, really miss this side of Dalmatian and kind of wish they would return to the concept from this album. Don't get me wrong, I love their more fierce, dark, sexy image but these two songs have stayed some of my favorites for years. I still listen to them and never get bored. They are great mood-lifters and just all around beautiful songs. You can't help but be addicted to them.

Adult

Whee~ I'm 18!
Today was a very nice birthday and I am thankful that I could spend it with my family who I may not see for quite awhile. In four days I'll be leaving and going on to pursue a more independent life in college and I'm really glad that for these last few days I can be with my friends and family.
It's kind of crazy how many people on my kpop twitter timeline wished me a happy birthday, and those on tumblr as well. People said, "We don't really talk but happy birthday!"
I think more people that I have never met in my life wished me a happy birthday than those who have known me in person. Kind of a crazy thought but I am thankful for everyone who cares about me.
My best friends know me so well and their gifts were unnecessarily AMAZING. I am so thankful that people love me. I can't even begin to explain how much I love my friends. And those who couldn't be with me wrote the most amazing things for me and nearly made me cry.

Today, I feel appreciated.

18

happy birthday to me~~
whoop whoop im an adult nowww
need to get my license renewed oops

Time~

It's funny how after so many years, people still don't know things about you.
And then there are the other people who even after so many years remember it all.

Week of Aug 11 Song Rec

A friend suggested I do this weekly so I thought hey why not!

I don't think I'm going to have a "theme" for the song recs I'm just going to put down any 5 songs I feel like telling people about! So the "Week of Aug 11" thing doesn't mean I'm just going to recommend songs that I've listened to this week, it just means that's the week I'm posting these songs.And I decided to post this every Sunday because it is the first day of the week ^^ Omg I have so many songs I want to recommend but I'll just keep them in mind for next week. Hahaha ok I'll shut up. Hope you enjoy ^^

1. MIB's 5Zic - Beautiful Day

I'm a huge fan of MIB and despite everyone else's hatred for their use of auto tune I think they are very talented and fun entertainers. Anyway this is 5zic's solo song and it's my favorite of their solo songs, and is also the reason that I grew to appreciate them and also some of the more mainstream khiphop artists. It's a very fun song as well ^^ I don't have much else to say tbh.

2. Boyfriend - Good Night

If you know me well enough you probably know that out of all the kpop groups out there I enjoy Boyfriend's songs the most. I don't even know all of their names tbqh, but I never get bored of their music and I think their style is incredibly unique and beautiful and just perfect. They are sooo underrated and I appreciate their talent because it goes unrecognized a lot of times. Not to mention they always have really difficult choreography but no one really mentions that either...I think people are too focused on the fact that they are young and called "Boyfriend" that they overlook their talent and musicality.

ANYway back on subject: The song "Good Night." It is literally that "just started dating" phase in a song. The perfect romance personified. Even the first line, "Goodbye, I don't want to let you go so I just say bye several times" illustrates what couples feel when they're saying good bye or good night, like they don't want to leave, you just want the moment to last forever... that feeling is captured soo well in this song. "I miss you and miss you even though I just saw you" "I'm a fool who only sees you" "Time is so long" I feel like the song is the perfect description of the type of relationship everyone wants and the melody fits the lyrics perfectly for that.

It really is one of my favorites from their album "Janus." It boosts my mood when I'm down and makes me feel calm and romantic. So anyway, I recommend this song because it is just simply wonderful.

3. SS501 - Lonely Girl

So ss501 was one of the first kpop groups that I was a fan of so a lot of their songs really mean a lot to me because at the time I was going through a lot of emotional stress and their songs were I guess there as a comfort. Anyway this song is actually just Kyu Jong and Hyung Jun but I still really love it. It gives off kind of a 70s vibe to me, it reminds me of a certain song that I can't remember by some 70s group I can't remember but anyway I find it incredibly cute and it makes me feel like I'm floating on a very comfy cloud. ^u^ I guess the reason that it's so personal for me is because it talks about a lonely girl and the speaker's love for her so for me, even though I feel lonely a lot of the time it's nice to think that I am still loved. Other than that I just really love the harmonies and the way they hit those high notes and yeah. Great song!

4. U-Kiss - I Don't Understand

I freaking looove this song. This is my favorite U-Kiss song by far. I love the sound, the melody, their voices, just everything. When I first heard it I didn't know what it translated to so I kind of interpreted it in the way that I wanted...so it was comforting because it made me feel that even though I don't always understand things, I don't have to.I don't have to have a plan for myself or understand why things happen or understand even myself. It's okay to be confused or unsure about things. Anyway now that I understand some of the lyrics better and have looked them up I realize it's about a romance, and not understanding each other which I still think is a beautiful thought. I mean, you don't have to understand perfectly for something to work. Kind of gives me hope ya know. But anyway I recommend this song; it has picked me up several times when I have been down. I stop crying when this song comes on so yeah ^^

5. Lee Juck - With You

This is one of my all time favorite songs; it makes me feel very...alive. I love the way his voice sounds and I love the way the song progresses. It's inspiring and fun and just a really great song. I don't know Lee Juck very well but I do know that this is from his 3rd album which I love dearly. Anyway I listen to this song when I need motivation and it does the trick! It also has kind of a 70s vibe to me, but then again I don't know 70s music all too well so I'm probably getting that all wrong. But this song is one I turn to a lot when I just want a beautiful, really authentic song without loud bass or beats or any of that stuff. Highly recommend it for people who like K-Indie!

--

#notd

Nails of the Day ~
Thanks to @elleandish (youtube) for the design ~

Rainy Playlist

turn on rainymood.com and listen to these ~

1. Baby Don't Cry - EXO
2. It's You - Super Junior
3. Tell Me Goodbye - Bigbang
4. It's All Lies - B.A.P.
5. Love Pain - SHINee
6. Love Love Love - Epik High
7. Rainy Days - B2ST
8. Stay - Bigbang
9. Don't Love - FT Island
10. Please, Don't Go - SHINee

Rainy Mood

www.rainymood.com
Just found this website and it is the best thing ever! I put my headphones in, went to the site, and began playing the song "Baby Don't Cry" by EXO and it's wonderful.
Fits my mood perfectly.

words

I have so many thoughts right now but I cant even put them in words.

I'm just... sad.

Nail Polish Rant

I'm really frustrated right now because I don't see why it is so utterly impossible to find a non-sheer light colored polish.

Recently I wanted to do a look that included a light pink but required the pink to be opaque so I went to the drug store to find one and I came across Maybelline's Color Show summer collection that includes the color "Born With it" which looks something like this:

I had already bought the grey-ish "Audacious Asphalt" which I absolutely /love/ so I thought hey why not this is perfect.

But it's TERRIBLE! Even with a coat of white under, it requires sooo many layers until your polish is so thick if you brush your nail against anything even hours after it's dried it will leave an indention. Not what I wanted at all!

I've been looking everywhere for an opaque light pink and I just can't find one. It makes no sense to me...Why can I find an opaque yellow or white or gray but I can't find light blue or light pink!

I figured with the name "Color Show" that the color would actually freaking show up but noooo it takes so many coats ugh! Not happy.

And then there's the light blue.
I love Sally Hansen's XTreme series mainly because they go on so nicely and you really only need one coat and the colors come out beautifully with any top coat so I thought maybe I could trust that brand for a light blue.

However once I bought it I realized how sheer it is and was kind of pissed because the color (Breezy Blue, I think it is called) is absolutely beautiful:

but to get it to show up requires coat after coat after coat and ugh I just don't have the patience.

Idk I'm just annoyed because I love doing nail designs and it's so inconvenient to find colors that don't go on well and I really like the way sheer polishes look if you just want plain one color manis but for designs and such I just want the same color in an opaque nail polish and I have no idea why the hell that is so hard to find.

There are so many brands and sooo many different colors around lately but I feel like it's all the same; certain colors can only be found in sheer polishes.

If I ever find a light pink or blue like the colors above that aren't sheer I am going to cry, seriously.

Anyway this is the design I ended up doing:

Please ignore the fact that I didn't clean them up yet hahaha but anyway. I think I could have a more clear design if the colors weren't so annoyingly sheer.

/end rant

gdfgdf

I want someone with confidence.
Don't ask to kiss me, or wait for the "right time," just grab me by the arm, pull me close and kiss me. Surprise me. Don't make me feel nervous in anticipation, overwhelm me.

If you want to talk to me, call me. Text me. Show up at my place and take me somewhere.
Be unexpected. Don't wait for my approval. Just do it. There are no rules.
Keep me interested and excited, but don't keep me waiting.

Tell me what you're thinking. Don't hesitate. Ask me what you want to know. Make me tell you. Make me do the things I want to without thinking. Don't think too much. It's simple.

Just go with it and I'll follow.



edit; i made this post long time ago so not sure how relevant it is tbqh but yeh forgot to post

Song Recommendation?

I know barely anyone will read this but like I say a lot, these posts aren't for other people to read but for me to just flush out my thoughts.
So.

One of my saving graces in life is my music, and I absolutely love exploring new musical styles and genres. So this post is going to be an "out of my comfort zone" music recommendation/inspiration list. I'm just going to post a couple songs that I have found, in the past or recently, that either opened my mind to new genres or styles of music or are just songs that I appreciate even though I don't necessarily listen to that particular genre.

Recent Finds
songs that are out of my comfort zone that I have recently come to like

1. The Neighbourhood - Sweater Weather
I'm not sure how popular this group is or this song or whatever but I'm in love with it. It's the perfect song for that certain mood when you're feeling cynical about things and I really like listening to it while I'm writing. I don't know the group very well but I'm sure they're great and I might look into them.

2. Maroon 5 - Love Somebody
Okay, I know this is extremely mainstream, but that's one of the reasons I chose to put this on here. It's often hard for me to admit that I like an American pop group or song but for some reason this one really sticks with me. It might be because the lyrics are somewhat relatable or because it's a pretty song or who knows what but I find it very comforting. I was upset when the video was the complete opposite of what I expected. I think of the song as sort of a tragedy love story, one that is doomed for failure but is regardless beautiful. But the video was full of busty ladies and sexual dancing and why was he groping her ass and her chest? Maybe it was artistic, I don't know, but I didn't feel like it was done as well as it could have been. Nonetheless, the song is great.

3. Belinda Carlisle - Heaven is a Place on Earth
So this is an 80s song but I've heard it twice incidentally in the past few days. The first time was in the car, and I was having practically the worst day in the longest time so I was trying really hard to just get to the smoothie place and get myself something to drink and get home but I couldn't stop crying for some reason so I went around in circles until I stopped and when I finally did this song came on and I just burst into tears again. I don't know what it is that is so beautifully tragic about this song but it makes me feel hopeful and sad and depressed and happy all at the same time and I have no idea why. The second time I just heard it playing somewhere but remembering my time in the car upon hearing it made me smile a little because I made it through the day and it made me feel stronger than I probably am.

Past Finds
songs that were out of my comfort zone that opened me up to new genres or groups or just really changed the way I view music

1. The Cab - Intoxicated
This was the first find in a string of American...rock? (I'm not sure the genre) songs and groups that I listened to a couple months back. I love this song because it's fun and upbeat and sounds good but it's also just different. Anyway for me, I never enjoyed this style of song but listening to this made me appreciate The Cab and also other groups such as Imagine Dragons, Train, Florence and the Machine, etc. Anyway I recommend listening to it.

2. Sentimental Scenery - Tune of Stars
This is one of my all time favorite K-Indie songs and it is just beautiful. Sentimental Scenery was the group that really paved the way for my K-Indie appreciation and I just really enjoy the genre now. I used to hate these sort of songs but I realized that there is more beauty to them than I was giving credit.

Anyway I might do another one of these posts later on or just a normal music rec post not sure yet i think it's fun anyway

in regards to last post

I know that I have people who believe in me or appreciate me but at the same time there's always something preventing me from being near them.

well

I thought writing all that out would make me feel better but it only makes me feel more weak.

Wrong

Moving

In two weeks, I will be moving into my dorm at UT.
I'm starting to feel a bit sad that I have to leave my room at home, and that I have to box all the treasured items I have collected over the years and put them in the attic. I know it's for the best that my younger sister gets my room but I can't help but feel sad at the thought of losing the place that I've spent so much time in the last three years.
This room is the place that I've cried so many times, the place where I learned to appreciate being alone, the place that I have personalized, to the point where there is barely any wall space visible, the place I spent almost 20 hours moving furniture, painting, and decorating just so that I could live in it...and so much more...idk i'm just feeling sad.
I'm never going to have this bed again, it isn't going to be mine anymore and that is kind of a sad thought. This bed has been my biggest comfort through high school and the place that I felt safe. Once I leave I'm not sure where I am going to go when I need to hide from life's hardships for a bit. It's scary to think that I'm going to have to make another place home.
Oh well I;ll get over it. Anyway two weeks.
AHHH!

Language

I think language is such a beautiful thing; you can put so much meaning into things so simple as just words.

And then there are things you can say in one language that don't translate to another and I just find that completely and utterly beautiful. That means that those particular words are so unique that they are strictly singular to one language. No one who doesn't speak that language will ever understand that string of words, and possibly what it means to say them.

This is why I find it baffling that people look down upon people who don't speak their language. For some reason, a lot of people, notably Americans, feel that people who don't speak their language, notably English, are dumb or ignorant. When in fact it is the complete opposite. Other languages beyond English are much more beautiful and interesting and complicated and a lot of times people are too stubborn to see that.

I don't know why people always think that THEIR language is the "right" one or the "best" one or THEIR culture is the culture that everyone should adapt to. Isn't what makes our world so amazing the fact that their are millions of different lifestyles, yet we all live in harmony on the same planet?

It annoys me when people look down on me for my culture, or look down on others for their culture. This is the way they live. This is how they grew up and their culture has meaning to them. Just because it means nothing to you does not mean it has no meaning at all. It just means you are being too stubborn and close minded to give it meaning.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people pity me. I am proud of where I come from and I am proud of my culture. Don't pity me for something like that. This is why I find culture and language so interesting and why I want to pursue a lifestyle where I can openly explore different cultures. I love learning about them and I love trying to find their beauty and I hate that society is often so stuck up and contemptuous about other cultures. It gives people the wrong idea about other societies.

We should be living open-mindedly, not chastising others for the things that make them unique.

Judging

I listen to kpop.
I like kdramas.
I fangirl.
I want to learn Korean.
I don't drink or smoke.
I don't party.
I don't have sex with people.
I don't like dating.
I don't like kissing.
I buy clothes from goodwill.
I buy shoes online.
I don't care for chocolate.
I take care of myself.

NONE OF THAT gives you a right to judge me.

My Day

• woke up showered got dressed left
• ate a bagel had coffee gave cookie to sister and brother
• bought makeup bought nail polish
• got in car went to place drank a milkshake felt gross
• walked around sweat like a dog drank drink
• sat in car came home sat on bed

Please

I just want to be appreciated.

Why do I even try, when all I get in return is sarcasm and fake friends.

I make a real effort to be someone's friend and they treat me like some upgraded form of a third wheel. Ok, so I cater to your schedule. That doesn't mean I have no life and you can use me to hang out with you whenever you're bored. It means I care enough to try to adjust my schedule to yours.

No one will do that for me.

So I sit at home for a week saying no to my friends when they ask to hang out. That doesn't mean I have no social life or that I'm rude it means I care enough about my family to sit at home with them when they need it.

Yet none of them are willing to be there for me.

I try really hard to somehow relate myself to your conversations so I don't bore you. I don't care if I come off ass trying too hard because it just shows that I'm making an effort to be someone you can talk to.

I just want to do something for me once, so I'm planning a dinner for my birthday.

Is that so wrong?

Do I still have to cater to everyone's schedules and please them with where we go? I don't understand why this is so hard. I'm not a bad person and I try really hard to be friendly and easy to get along with.

And what is the result?
I'm still alone.

What did I do wrong?

I try sooooo hard to be there for my friends when they need me.

I listen to them and try to give the best advice I can, I care about them and try to make sure I dont hurt them...I wait for them, adjust my schedule to theirs, sacrifice things to hang out with them, text them back immediately when its something important, listen to them vent, vent to them when they want me to, tell them what they want to know...

Yet, when choosing between me and another friend, they will always choose the other person.

idk what to title this

I miss being someone people were proud of - proud to know and show off.

Now I'm just the person that people create small talk conversation with to be nice and don't really care much about after it's all over.

I'm not even myself anymore.

I don't know who I am.

I know who I want to be but I have no idea how to be that person.

Angry Hanna

This summer I have spent a majority of my time taking care of my younger siblings or staying home because my family wants me to. My parents even gave me a 10:00 curfew and I have been good about it since.

I love my family and don't get me wrong I'm glad that I have the privilege to see them and spend time with them but to be honest I'm tired of the mental, physical and emotional toll it takes on me.

"When do you move in?" "Have you paid your tuition?" "When is your rent due?" "Have they given you a room yet?" "Hanna can you play with me?" "Hanna let's watch an anime tonight" "Hanna, can I sleep in your room tonight?" "Hanna can you drive me here?" "Hanna can you buy me a candy?" "Where is this?" "Where is that?" "Can you help me find something?" "Have you seen the cat?" "Where are the programs?" "Where do I sit?" "What do I do with this?" "Where should I put this?" "Are you excited for school?" "I'll leave this to you since I don't know what to do about it" "I'm so glad you're here to take care of this"

Right now, all I want is a break. I want to go get coffee with a friend and not think about all this stuff but noooo, I have to be the responsible one while my parents go on a nice vacation together. This means I have to take care of my younger siblings yet again.

I just did this two weeks ago in Kansas for ten days.

Then I did this when we came home and my parents worked for a while.

And then for my sister's wedding, I handled like eight people asking me where the god damn programs were and I'm just really tired.

I don't know everything and I don't have to take care of everything. I don't want to and I am not responsible enough to do it.

I'm sorry I'm not interested in hearing about your life right now, or answering all your curiosities about mine but please let me relax. I haven't had an opportunity to have fun for myself all summer.

I think maybe I deserve it? 

July Faves!

This month I tried a lot of new things and it was a really enriching month for me because I spent time in Waco, Austin, Kansas, and then Waco again so I'm kind of all over the place but I'll try to list a couple favorites!

Fashion / Beauty

• Sally Hansen XTreme Wear "Breezy Blue" nail color
• New York Color Matte Top Coat
• Clean & Clear Morning Burst Oil-Free Facial Cleanser
• ELF Healthy Glow Bronzer

TV Shows

• New Girl
• The Mentalist
• I Hear Your Voice

Music

• It's Poppin' - 4minute
• Radioactive - Imagine Dragons
• Forget About Me - Hologram Film
• Midnight Taxi - AA
• Bulletproof Pt. 2 - BTS
• No More Dream - BTS
• Waiting For You - Mr. Mr.
• No No No - A Pink

BOYS (who have been on my mind this month)

• Changsub as always
• Sungyeol
• Jay Park
• Woohyun
• _____

Internet Faves

• Bubzbeauty

Food/Drink

• kimchi
• hummus
• coffee
• coffee
• coffee
• omg coffee

Compromise

I hate when people aren't willing to compromise.

So, you want me to give everything up so you can get everything you want without making any sacrifices at all...right....

How hard is it to meet me halfway?

August 1st

Well I am starting my day sick; I nearly threw up earlier and couldn't force down any sort of food or drink so we'll see how this all goes today!
Happy Birthday to my brother James & we are about to leave for Waco, TX for my sister's wedding.
I downloaded episodes of New Girl and the Mentalist as well as some kpop videos soo I think I will be occupied for the three hour drive. Not too bad.

Anyways if you are reading this have a blessed day; spoil yourself :)